Yes about the respite care and we could use more of those homes willing to do so!!

Also, I never say yes or no to a placement when they call. I always ask for 3-5 minutes and I will call right back (and I do). My mind needs to mull over any info they were able to give and run a quick list of how that will work into our family. I always call my husband and we talk for a minute.

P.S. I think in your title you mean "Wondering"

Kim

I started mentoring a brother and sister largely due to Diane Sawyer’s “Calling all Angels” piece on Primetime in 2006. I had absolutely no exposure to the foster care system prior to this, and WOW! what an emotional journey it has been.



The kids have been bouncing from home-to home-to home…Only one out of the six foster families that I’ve dealt with, so far, have been in it for the right reason. Without a doubt, five of them are in it for the money. None of the homes has had less than 6 foster children in them, and one of them had as many as 12 children. (None of them are Group Homes either). Basically, I've been witnessing incompetent foster parents bilking a system with their kid warehouses. The kid’s basic needs have been met in all of the homes, which are a step up from their biological family. But, because their basic needs have been met--the emotional abuses are overlooked by the caseworkers. The emotional abuse includes such things as unfair treatment between biological and foster children, and moving from homes/schools without notice. I believe that the emotional abuse is what facilitates the heartbreaking statistics that “Calling all Angels” highlighted: prison, suicide, homelessness, teen-pregnancy…And that negligent foster parents are just as responsible for these appauling statistics as biological parents.



I question the ability of any parent, while currently raising biological children--that bring foster children into their home to live. I realize this is a bold statement, but I don’t understand parents who are willing to jeopardize their biological children’s welfare by introducing a grab-bag of potential problems into the equation. It’s not that I don’t think that they can be raised together successfully, but it’s the willingness to jeopardize a biological child’s welfare that bothers me. It bothers me because I think if a parent is willing to risk their own child’s welfare, than the probability of protecting a foster child’s welfare is at an even greater risk.

Wow Change......That is a very bold and statement in your last paragraph. We have been taking in foster children for the past 7 years...we have 3 biological children. It has always been our choice to not take any children older than our youngest...in order to ensure their safety.

I can not imagine that anyone with biological children would not consider their own children first and foremost when considering entering into foster parenting.

“I can not imagine that anyone with biological children would not consider their own children first and foremost when considering entering into foster parenting.” ~fosterdad2~

I wholeheartedly agree with you, but I also can not imagine anyone beating their biological child senseless, or choosing to buy drugs instead of feeding their child. But, as you’re well aware, biological parents of foster children do make these kinds of choices. As parents…we are not all created equal, and some of the parents, foster or bio, are doing things that which others can not imagine!

I believe that there are some very competent foster parents out there (I will never know if you are one of them, but I hope you are), but based on my personal experience observing six Foster families, 4 Case workers (foster agency), 6 Therapists, 2 Social workers (county), 4 Casa workers and the interactions of over 40 children (biological, adopted & foster) amongst the six homes…I’m inclined to believe that the competent foster parent is few and far between. I also believe that the competent foster parent is very aware of incompetent foster parents.

My bold opinion “I question the ability of any parent, while currently raising biological children--that bring foster children into their home to live” was formed by raising my own children (from diapers to college), as well as an informal survey that I took during a dinner party recently (my survey included two physicians, one chief of staff, an educator, and a stay-at-home mom). As I was explaining my involvement in mentoring and spouting off the sad statistics--I posed two questions. The first, “Do you consider yourself a good parent?” and the second, “Would you consider taking care of foster children while you were raising your own?” They all had the same answers…Yes to the first, and No to the second. We all agreed that minimizing risk was part of our parenting strategy.

My heart breaks every time these kids are moved from one foster home to the next. I just want to shake the foster parents and tell them to STOP bringing kids through their home. If a child in my care left my home to go to an institution, or another foster home….I would absolutely question my ability to effectively parent a foster child! And if multiple children left my home to be placed somewhere else in the system…well…I would hope that I would understand that I was doing more harm than good…

Some of the questions that I would ask if I was ~ Wondering if I can handle foster children? ~ would be:
1. What is the long-term plan for this child?
2. Do I have the ability to prepare this child for being accepted to college?
3. Do I have the ability to teach this child healthy money management skills?
4. Do I have the ability to teach this child healthy nutrition skills?
5. Am I capable of teaching this child critical thinking skills, and patient enough to allow this child to test them?
6. Do I lead by example?
7. Do I understand the importance of involving this child in extracurricular activities (team sports, arts, etc….), and will I make it a priority?

I find your ignorance so sad. You are judging a LARGE group of people based upon your interaction with SIX foster families? Were they all in the same area?

I think like me, most people who read Lanette's Blog, are just too dumbfounded to say much.

Those who can't do..............need to keep mouths closed---FYI that would be you.

xxsurroundedbyxy - My comments apparently struck a chord with you...I can only assume why...

Change~
I think you are an expert at jumping to assumptions. PLEASE....just keep "mentoring" because anything more in-depth would be too much for you.

Hello
We are doing research to gather as much information as possible on becoming "Foster Parents". Trying to figure out the steps to take. Creating a list of questions to ask and so much more. I have asked myself why I feel this is my passion.I love children. I have read the above comments. I have three children, teens at that. My husband and I have felt such a accomplishment in raising our children. It's a amazing feeling raising children of our future. We know we have raised great kids with a home full of love. When we mentioned the idea to our kids, of considering opening our home to Foster children. WOW... All three were excited. When we asked why they were so happy about it? Each of our kids in their words as individuals, said because they have awesome parents. Our children feel that other children could benefit from all the love we have in our home. We are financially stable and do not need money from any one to help a child in need. Our family feels we are blessed and full of love and have plenty of love,support and guidance to share with any child. Please don't take this offensive. We are not foster parents "yet".. But if anyone out here can give me ideas or any info on this, please do

Caw~
Go to the adoption/foster forum and read some posts each day. You will learn so much and find the people there very resourceful and supportive. Try to stay away from negative, uneducated people who have never fostered but appear to act like experts on the subject like "Change" above. Your family sounds exactly like the people these children need. Your reasons for going into fostering are the reasons most go into it. Those who are in it for selfish reasons are few but give the rest of our community a bad name. Good luck!

Thank you for your advice. That is exactly what I have been doing. In all honesty, I have a open mind and heart. It;s funny you mention ignorance. When our children have been confused to why people do certain thing's or react in hateful ways we tell them the world is full of ignorance. But at the same time to keep a open mind because normally the ignorance comes from some where deep in a person and that is all they know. In quite a few cases, people want to say mean things or do mean thing's because some thing bad has happened to them some where in their life. And a person being kind is going to get them a lot further then to live a life of anger and hate. Any how, thank you for your advice and kind words. My husband and I are going to pick up a informational packet today on Foster care. Classes start this coming Tuesday, WOW... The next classes are not until Sept. We will gather as much information as we can, and then discuss the pro's and cons with our 3 children. Our home is always full of children, our kids have friends over every weekend, lol. I love it. The house is full of laughter and insults and jokes. Our children's friends say they love coming to our house, because they say our home is fun. That is a comforting thought for me. Besides, when they are all here I know what they are doing and get to know their friends quite well. I will keep anyone posted on our decisions and process if any is interested.

Kim - You had the choice to respond with such things as: I understand that that’s your experience, but my experience has been different…Or…
I disagree with point A,B, or C because you failed to factor in…The list goes on…there is a multitude of ways that you could have exchanged informative dialogue.
But you didn’t, Instead you chose to lob immature insults over a fence…
You are exactly the type of foster parent that the system needs to challenge!

My questions to you are:
1. Are you familiar with the statistics in the National Data Analysis System (NDAS), or more specifically the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS)?
2. Have you witnessed a child age-out of the system?
3. Have you witnessed a foster teen pregnancy?
4. Have you accompanied a child in and out of multiple homes?
I am familiar with all of these things. I would be interested in knowing exactly what you think I am ignorant about.

Change~
I have seen all those things....and more. It is my experience AS A FOSTER PARENT that we, as a group, get hammered by the few who do not do it well.....or by those who have never done it. I am a school teacher as well as a foster parent, so I have seen reported, fostered, said good-bye, etc. And not only am I familiar with the statistics....I am LIVING them. So I guess my question to you is:

Have you EVER been a foster parent? Because if not, this is not the forum for you. It is for foster parents/adoptive parents. Not mentors who like to comment of those whom they have never shared shoes with.

Kim

We got our informational packet today. We were truly hoping for more information than we got. We were told today that we would recieve a lot more informative info during the 1st class. I am curious to something I read in the packet. One of the mentioned guidelines states " "No more than 5 children in a household including birth,foster,babysitting, and day care children at any time". Well since our 3 teens are 17,15,& 13, they have friends over quite often on weekends and school breaks. At the same time they are gone the whole day and then have their own personal activities such as after school events, church events, or volunteer work, and the list goes on. I thought maybe with our Bio children being older and with our home being large enough for no more then 3 foster children at once, if we do this. Does any one know if this is a state by state rule, or county by county? Just some info please, any one? Also after attending the MAPP meetings for 10 weeks, how long does the Licensing take all together? Is their anything we can do to start preparing now? Thank you

CAW~
It means 5 children LIVING with you---not visiting--even overnight. It is state by state--And our state had us change that to say 8 in our paperwork during our first inquiry meeting, so it is possible you will be told the same thing when you go. At 5, that would means that with your current 3 biochildren you could take in 2 foster children. Even more when your older children move out. Our state had to raise that number to 8 because of the lack of good foster homes. In my county alone there are 100 children in care and 25 foster homes. That means on average 4 children per home!! So that means some, like you, can take in two and someone like me with two biochildren could take in three. With them raising the number to 8, the homestudy/licensing worker told us we could take SIX with the sq footage of our home !!! I told her that we would start with one and work our way up to two with siblings or something but two was our max. I cannot imagine having that many but some do and love every minute of it. You can often go to your state website and download a foster parenting manual that will give LOTS of info. When it is all started you will feel overwhelmed with info so it is good that they didn't bombard you with stuff.

Licensing times vary state to state as well. My family asked for physician forms (for our physicals) and fingerprint cards (for background cks) at our initial meeting. We did those and our TB tests early. We had all the requirements done for our first home visit so after classes were over, they came the next week for our last home visit, and we were open for children the next week. So take advantage of getting alot done during your 10 week class. We were able to turn things into our trainer as we completed them which made it nice, but make copies of everything because they do get lost in the shuffle sometimes. You can email me at grishams@paragould.net if you would like. Our "comment" are getting quite long. HeeHee.

Kim

Kim - If you were able to read my comments without identifying them as a personal attack then you might have seen that my intent was not to knock competent foster parents, but rather dissuade incompetent ones from considering fostering. I just looked around to see if this forum is labeled for Foster parents / Adoptive parents ONLY…It isn’t…. I have been in the Foster system picking up shattered lives for several years now, which has afforded me an experience that most certainly accredits me a voice in a Foster Forum. As an educator, you should be ashamed of your attempt at communicating with intimidation.

I live in a county with over 3,000 children in foster care. 300 of them age-out of the system every year. 48% graduate from High School. 40% emancipate without a financial or social support system. 12-18 months after emancipation, 37% of them are incarcerated. The Grand Jury in my county has a difficult time in reporting post-emancipation statistics on suicide and homelessness, but I don’t have to tell you…the numbers aren’t promising. Are these the statistics you’re living? What grade would you give my county? I’m sure there are multiple factors contributing to these statistics, but you better darn well believe that incompetent foster parents have a role in these numbers.

The kids that I mentor have bounced between 2 different counties (the other county has over 5,000 children in foster care). And one of the kids is currently residing in a home that borders a county with more than 55,000 children in foster care. Sadly, my county has the highest reported success rate between them. Kim, there are some big city problems out here…and they’re UGLY! Your small town foster utopian advice is simply irresponsible to the needs of my county.

In regards to your question “Have you ever been a foster parent?” the answer is No. On top of donating substantial sums of money to foster organizations, my volunteer mentoring is a monthly commitment of 30+ hours. I also attend monthly foster family functions along with 80 other foster families, and have considered myself intimately knowledgeable with the daily dynamics of 6 of them.

KIM,

Thank you so much. You truly have been of great help. I would not want to over load myself at first. From all the reading I have done, I would want to take into consideration the foster childs need's with each situation and decide on how many would be too overwhelming for that Foster child. Thank you for the emal adress as well.

Change~
Nothing that you said statistically was an insult.....until you got to the part of calling us irresponsible and questioning our "parental abilities" for taking in foster children when we have bio children of our own. Just as John said above...it was a BOLD (that's nice for crazy) statement. Especially for someone who has not ever fostered. This is the last I will comment on it. As you can see, there are more important matters to discuss as demonstrated by my conversations with caw above.

Caw~
I am glad I could be of some help and you are welcome to contact me anytime. Good luck in your desire to help those who can't help themselves.

Kim

"Because if not, this is not the forum for you. It is for foster parents/adoptive parents."

What about people who want to become foster parents but are trying to do research because they are not ready yet?
I don't have a decent job, I have only a one bedroom apartment, I am not ready to be a foster parent until my situation
stablizes. That will be a while.
So I'll just have to research and learn as much as I can before hand.

Hello,

Where can I locate a list of thing's that I should have in order to be prepared? Like to child proof our home? I have a list of some thing's. Any suggestions of thing's I will need to be prepared. I am getting curious and excited about our 1st MAPP meeting. A little anxious for more information. I am not even too sure as to how much info is enough. I am secure in my parenting as well as my husbands, and know we have so much to offer. Also our teen's are really great with kids too.. And I am confident any child would feel safe and loved in our home.

Caw,
That depends on what ages of children you will be fostering. There are some post that you can get some ideas of questions to ask when called for a placement here and here. Also check the post about the Fire Inspection, Health Inspection, and Home Study.

What You Need To Know Before Your First Placement Part 1

What You Need To Know Before Your First Placement Part 2

What You Need To Know Before Your First Placement Part 3

Lanette

I will be addressing Change's comments and statements in the next few days.

Lanette

Lanette,
That is impressive. I found it to be very informative and useful information. As I sat here reading, I kept saying out loud Wow. Kim has also given me some great useful information. I am going to combine and put to use both your idea's and suggestions. I am so happy I found this site. Thanks to this site, I am getting more info and feeling a little more at ease. I am confident with talking to people who have foster children with experience. Again thank you both.... I will be on here frequently still gathering input and advice. I will also start posting our process as we take the steps. "My Goodness" thank you and Thank you so much!!

Lanette,

By adding a comment such as “I will be addressing Change's comments and statements in the next few days” are you suggesting that we should shy away from asking hard questions, presenting bold opinions, and refraining from uncomfortable dialogue?

I understand the necessity for censorship in a respectable forum, and if I have stepped out of line or acted out of accordance with this site’s guidelines – I would like to know how?

I presented my bold opinion, and at no point did Kim ever defend a different opinion, or pose a valid (or invalid for that matter) argument against my opinion. Instead…she called me ignorant, told me to keep my mouth shut, and told me that I had no business in this public forum.

So, could you please tell me what your parameters for censorship are?


Caw – I have a gut feeling that you have what it takes to enact positive change in both a broken system, as well as a broken child.

Lanette,

Or…does your comment “I will be addressing Change’s comments and statements in the next few days” indicate that I need to put my blog defense down, and just allow bold opinion and uncomfortable dialogue to fuel in-depth discussion? Either way…you know I’ll have an opinion : )

I'll continue to post under this topic, so you can continue to feel free posting under other topics...

I have a son who is currently playing college football. If somebody put a statement out that “they (personally) questioned the ability of parents who are willing to jeopardize their children’s health by allowing/encouraging them to play contact sports” I am capable of: A) understanding how somebody could have that opinion B) asking informed questions before I draw a conclusion C) dissecting an opinion into parts D) formulating/articulating an argument against that opinion E) recognizing that opinions are based on personal experience and current knowledge, and F) grasping an opportunity to have an opinion changed (either side) based on new information.

I recognize that I am a member of many different communities (sub-communities)…, which can be sliced into categories such as gender, race, education, economics, profession, political affiliation, religion, parenting, and mentoring in the foster community, etc…I also recognize that every major community that I am a member of has good, evil, and everything in between. Some systems simply receive more negative (public) backlash than others…e.g., Healthcare Insurance Provider policies vs. Automotive Insurance Provider policies. Why? I would venture to guess that the bottom line is in the numbers; the negative statistics fuel the backlash. The foster care system (as a whole) is considered to be a system with a negative (public) backlash, which is an opinion that I personally didn’t create.

Do you honestly believe that I’m the only one out here in the general public with (my original) opinion?

My original opinion was directed at perspective foster parents – considering that the topic is “Wondering if you can handle foster children?” The majority of the responses to my opinion are from people who are not perspective foster parents, nor do they appear to be from people who are wondering if they can handle foster children. I understand why…This topic shouldn’t be about me, but if this feedback helps you…have at it…
I’m sorry that my 30+ hours of volunteer mentoring a month could be difficult for someone to believe, but this is one statistic that I personally keep close tabs on. The home with 12 children in it was not all foster children, and yes it was 12. I’ve never made a claim to be an expert on foster children or the foster system. We financially donate substantial sums to foster organizations as a charity of choice , and our individual foster parents benefit indirectly from much smaller donations which we give directly to the kids (or to their future). There are many different types of foster organizations that are available to foster parents/children. I’m confident in my ability to seek truth, so exaggerating my experience serves no purpose to me. I am passionate about helping foster children, and I contribute my time/energy/money in a way that best suits me, which I will not disagree is a different capacity than a foster parent. I’m a parent…I completely understand the daily grind. I also understand that foster parents have additional burdens placed on them. I’ve seen some ridiculous stipulations placed on foster families, and I’m surprised that more court injunctions haven’t taken place. . My informal dinner party survey was simply part of my experience. I don’t disagree that it shouldn’t be considered a legitimate survey (and I thought I was conveying that with the adjective “informal”), but I felt compelled to ask the questions sitting at a table with several people who were not only parents, but who were also in varying positions of public service.

I live in an affluent city with a population of 20,000, and there isn’t a single (non-relative) foster home in it. My city currently provides homes to 5 foreign exchange students…Why?

Change,
My responce to your following oppinion (below)
"Caw – I have a gut feeling that you have what it takes to enact positive change in both a broken system, as well as a broken child."
I wanted to say thank you. I feel in my heart, this is going to be a rewarding experience. I feel so passionate and want to help children and lead them in a positive manner.
I read all the blogs posted on here. In all honesty I am just thankful for the in sight. I need to know the pro's and con's of the foster system. All I know is what I see on the new's and read in our local newspaper's. BUT: I also see and feel the pain of our own children and the confusion with broken home's. Our children are involved in so much i.e church, volunteer work with soup kitchens, fundraising for many causes and so much more. When they come home, because they heard about something terrible that happened to a school mate or a friend that has no food or no clothes for the proper weather. My kids have volunteered their lunch money, or the extra cash in their own pocket from saving B-day Monies, Christmas monies and so forth. My husband & I are high school sweet hearts and had children young. We are one of the few that have chose to succeed. We have grown with our children and learned so much. We also have a open mind. We tell our children when it's time for a punishment (rarely happens, they are wonderful) We are not here to be a friend. We are here to love them, guide them, support them, protect them and to make sure when they make a mistake or break a rule that they have to suffer the consequences of all their actions. WE are not perfect parents and do not try to be. Like I said we have 3 teen's and when they have to write about our family, it is always so amazing to read the incredible things they write. Here is a example of a compliment on our 15 yr old Son. Saturday, I went to buy a rarely/used stroller to prepare on gathering stuff for opening our home to Fosteringing. The lady had called our house when we were on our way to her house. She spoke to our son, askin for my cell #. When we arrived at this ladies house. The first thing she said was " was that your son that answered the phone?" We said yes. She said she was so impressed with his manner's and how incredibly poilte he was. It was yes ma'm, no ma'm responces to her. She then said her brother is a adult and does not talk like that, and she said it is so rare to hear kids today have manner's. Yes, I am sorry if I am gloating! Like most parents, we are proud. It was a lot of work when they were younger. My husband and I worked with them on everything from manner's, responsibilities, education and more. My kids have hearts of gold so we as parents did something right. That is one reason of the many that I know we can offer so much to children in need.
Like I told my husband and children, I don't need the money to supplement these children. I want to open my heart and arms. I want to give back, since we are one of the few young teen couples who have committed to doing our children right in all aspects.
Thank you all and I will still keep reading on.

Change~

Well...where to begin? I think that with the info you have provided that:

You should not be making any of these statements...

1. "Kim, there are some big city problems out here…and they’re UGLY! Your small town foster utopian advice is simply irresponsible to the needs of my county."

Big city??? 20,000 rich folks who wouldn't dare take in a domestic foster child but will a foreign exchange student? Since my small town utopian advice comes from a town double your size with over 100 foster homes, I would consider it my advice more responsible than yours. LOL

2."I’m confident in my ability to seek truth, so exaggerating my experience serves no purpose to me."

Honey, I don't think ANYONE here believes you are exaggerating your 30+ hrs. We just find 30+ hrs. per month pathetic for someone who thinks that's enough to speak on the behalf of foster children.

3. "I completely understand the daily grind. I also understand that foster parents have additional burdens placed on them."

The daily grind of raising your own childen is NOT the same daily grind of raising children hurting so much EVERY day. You ARE the additional burden placed on foster parents. I would venture to "assume" that you are some of the reason these kids were moved home to home because if I had to deal with you in my home on a regular basis I may have to make changes too. Those poor 5 families that you deemed "unqualified" must have gone through hell with you and your judgements.

I think the real problem is that you are upset with your county and local DCFS offices (and perhaps the 5 foster homes you were allowed into). So to get on a forum like this one that has far reaching readers and making broad statements like "I’m inclined to believe that the competent foster parent is few and far between" or insulting ones like "I will never know if you are one of them, but I hope you are" and "My comments apparently struck a chord with you...I can only assume why" is a mistake on your part. You won't find much support for your opinion here. You are downing the wrong part of the system. Someone in your local office needs to be checking these foster homes out if they are truly despicable.....and if they truly are-- then someone within your circle needs to take the intiative to open their own home to FC and show us all how to "do it right."

We attended our 1st meeting last night :) ! I was so relieved to hear how these ladies teaching our class, really break it down for us. The other wonderful thing was how they took the time to listen to each person who spoke and answered questions with precise responces. When it was my husband's and my turn to talk about us & our family and why we want to Foster, I was so excited. I am outgoing and not shy. Other's in the class, thought my spouse & I were comical in the way we interacted with each other and our responces. The other wonderful part of our group in class was hearing the passion in the classmates voices about why they want to foster/adopt. Some tears were shed, but it was a wonderful emotion. Needless to say, We will look forward to each and every class, for the next ten week's. When we arrived home last night, each of our teen's were in bed. We went into each room to say good night. Each of our children, asked about the class and what it was about. It was nice to know how they are eager to hear about it as well. We did tell them it was late & we would fill them in today after school. KIM & LANETTE, I SINCERELY THANK YOU BOTH FOR THE HEADS UP. I HAD THE COPIES DONE AND TURNED IN LAST NIGHT. THE TEACHER'S WERE IMPRESSED. BASICALLY I WAS AHEAD OF THE PROCESS. IT WAS A GOOD FEELING. I have to say, you both are just wonderful. You are raising your own children, and doing Foster care and you also take time to come on to help other's in need of advice and support. That in it self say's how special you both are and your families are. Alright, I will be back online later today. I have created list's for each day to start getting thing's done "Ahead" of time, lol... Excited :) CRYSTAL

CAW~
You are cracking me up. I was the same way! It is good to be ahead of the game because you will see as the class progresses more and more people start to stress over the paperwork and the one's who procrastinate will really be sweating by those last couple of classes....but you, my dear, will feel prepared for your first placement when it comes.

My husband and I LOVED our classes and classmates. We hated to see our class end. We all exchanged email and ph numbers and we keep in contact with several from our county and close by. I would recommend it because they can really be a support and can do respite care for your foster kids should you ever need it and do not have an emergency caregiver.

So enjoy this time learning everything and getting things ready in your home. Buys journals to keep notes in, 3 ring binders with tabs for all the paperwork you will need to keep up with, a hanging file caddy (rubbermaid) to keep blank copies of all the forms you will use, and some scrapbooks when you find them on sale. We also have a jumpdrive just for into and pics of our foster children so that we can take pics of bruising or anything they may have when they come into care, any emails we think we need to save, etc.

You sound organized and anxious so I am sure in 10 weeks you will be chomping at the bit for placements. I hope you are as lucky as we have been in finding kids who seem to fit right in.

Kim

Kim,

Our children call me OCD, lol. I have folders and files for everything. Even their school work that has been graded. So later in the year they can refer back to for study material. I stock up on supplies when the stores do the back to school sales. I even buy the stuff they don't need, crayons,markers and construction paper and so much more. Again you amaze me with the suggestions you offer me. I have started working on binder's but the idea of keeping extra's on hand of the blank copies never crossed my mind. I also am in process of making personal Hygiene baskets for different age groups, I am so psyched....
Please, keep the advice coming. I am soaking it all up, smile. In our hearts, we want the dream to be a reality that any child will fit in. My kiddies left for school and now my chore list and to do list and errands are calling, Laughing. Talk with you soon Kim, I hope, Smile
Sincerely, Crystal

Sunbonnet Sue - Hello!
In response to your rewording assistance:
# 1 Are you saying that you don’t create any long-term (personal) goals for foster children in your care? (I’m assuming you’re a foster parent) If you don’t, is this because it’s difficult to do so because of long-term case plan confinements, or some other limitation?

#’s 2 through 8 – Are you referring to foster children with special needs, or are you referring to managing difficult/obstinate children?

~“If a home can provide only basic needs, and then the child moves to another placement, that foster home should choose to close?” ~ I’m not suggesting that homes that provide (only) basic needs and have multiple children moving through them should close up shop tomorrow (for exactly the reasons you’ve stated). The U.S. foster care system, as we currently know it, was created to alleviate problematic foster care that had no regulations, and the no regulations system was a step up from a system which consisted of only institutions/asylums. The statistics surrounding infant mortality rates in the institutions/asylums are what prompted the change that established the initial foster care system, and the philosophy at that time was “a poor home is often better than a good institution.” We’re currently producing alarming post-emancipation statistics both nationally and (for me) locally. I’m suggesting that we demand more than just meeting basic needs.

~“Do people providing care to our most needy citizens have the right to expect financial compensation?” ~ Absolutely! Whenever I look around a gathering that has several different people/functions representing the best interest/welfare of a needy child (e.g., court hearing) I think about the huge disparity in financial compensation. The hourly financial compensation that a foster parent receives…is an illegal compensation in other industries…

~“The 30 hours per month you are donating of your time sounds really low.”~ I wear several other hats, and my 30+ hours is Volunteer work…which works out to be less than zero financial compensation.

~”It might surprise you to find amazingly educated, highly skilled and accomplished people, deep in the trenches of child welfare.”~ No, it wouldn’t surprise me. I think the burden of change is on the competent--rather than the incompetent.

Change:

Hello!

In response to your question(s):

#1 No. That is not what I am saying. What was written is what was meant.

The topic of my personal goals for each of my children is separate from the goals they create and claim for themselves. This is especially true for children who are newly introduced to our family routines and expectations.

Why would you spend time and energy assuming anything about me? It is unlikely we will ever have a personal relationship; internet knowledge is, at best, incomplete. If you feel curiosity about some aspect of my life, feel free to ask and I’ll do my best to answer.

#2 Your second question is confusing. The context of the entire post is under the title “Wondering if you can Handle Foster Children.” Have you met foster children who are not classified as special needs?

• Before our culture can provide more than basic needs for each foster child, it must first provide basic needs for all foster children.

• Court hearings are not about best interests of the child(ren). They are about enforcing the legal requirements of the system. The system you claim to be intent on changing through belittlement of foster parents.

• Foster parents wear other hats as well. Their efforts are also volunteer work. It is interesting to note you capitalized the word volunteer. The money received by a foster family is considered reimbursement. It definitely comes out as far less than zero. Every single day they care for the children. If a home chooses to have both parents providing care for foster children, money will become an issue quite rapidly.

• You may consider it the responsibility of the competent to bring change to the incompetent. However, the incompetent might not agree with your assertion. Last time I checked, our system still gives everyone a voice. Especially regarding matters that directly affect them. Our system even (supposedly) values incompetent people every bit as much as the competent ones.

Your thought processes are confusing, illogical and disjointed. It seems – based upon your posts here - that you might be a person who is accustomed to making things happen in your environment through your personal efforts. You will find tho, the foster care system is not the world to which you have become acclimated. Decisions are based upon group dynamics, not individual recommendations. Additionally, not everyone in the group will be as competent as you think they should be. It would also be wise to realize we don’t necessarily need “change” to our child welfare system. We need improvement.