When we get a placement, we leave it up to each child what they will call us. We introduce ourselves by using our first names. After that, it is up the child what to call us (I guess within reason-no foul language). Every child that has came through our home has called us Mom and Dad. Yes, I know people have very different opinions about this. When we first get a placement, and they choose to call us Mom and Dad, I always receive questions concerning this from friends, family, acquaintances and others. Ex: How does that make my children feel? Isn’t that confusing for the child? Is that unhealthy for the child? How is that child going to feel when they have to leave you? How does that affect the relationship with their bio families?

To my children, this is normal. Fostering is a family choice for us. I think it is how your family views fostering and how you present it to your children. Remember, everyone has their own thoughts and feels.

I could see how this could be confusing for a child but the whole experience is confusing and traumatic for any child. Being removed from their home, belongings, parents, possible siblings, school, friends or anything familiar and comforting is confusing.

Personally, I don’t think it is unhealthy for the child. What I think can be more damaging is having them call you, Mrs. Smith, Ms. Lanette or Lanette and not allowing them to call you Mom and Dad, if they, so choose. I have asked other foster parents why they didn’t allow it. More or less for the same reasons listed above and my favorite: It’s easier with disciplining. When my 14 year old foster son or my 12 year old foster daughter had discipline problems, it didn’t make it hardier to me because they called me Mom.

When that child leaves us they know that we love them. Whether a month or a year, you have made a huge difference in their life. Most of these children have never seen or been part a normal family. To call you Mom and Dad gives them a sense of belonging, security, peace, being loved, part of a family, and acceptance.

With most bio families it is a problem for them personally. I can’t change that. It is what is best for that child at the time.

We are called foster parents, not foster care givers. Parents, in most case are called Mom and Dad, so why should it be different for fostering. The title of Mom for me is a honor, whether it’s from my biological daughter, adopted son and daughter and/or foster son or daughter.

“In this life we get only those things for which we hunt, for which we strive, and for which we are willing to sacrifice.” Author George Matthew Adams