One of the rewards of foster parenting is when a birth parent thanks you; when you know that a birth parent really appreciates all you have done, and all you are doing, for his or her child. My five-year-old foster daughter’s mother looked me in the eyes and said, “I couldn’t do what you do. I don’t know how you can do it.” The name of a child we had fostered several years ago had come up and she had asked me about whom we were talking. I explained that it was a child we thought we were adopting. She had come into our family as a newborn and had stayed until she was 20 months old. Our family was deeply in love with her. Then a family from another state came forward who had adopted three older siblings. They wanted all of the siblings together. This birth parent knows how much we love her daughter. Her daughter has been a part of our family for about half of her life.

This is the second time she has lived with us. She lived with us for nine months the first time and 15 months this time. After she went home the first time, she came and spent the night at least once a month. Her entire family would come to our home every Saturday to visit. We would watch a movie, eat popcorn, and sometimes I would make milkshakes for everyone. When things began falling apart, they quit visiting.

Now the birth parent has mentioned having us babysit for her daughter while she is at work when her daughter returns home. Maybe it is because I have adult children the same age as this birthparent that we have developed this relationship. I tend to think of her as a daughter and try to do little things for her periodically. I offer to supervise visits when possible so they don’t have to visit in the Department of Human Services’ visitation room. Her daughter has called me Aunt Julie for this entire placement period. The birth mother seems comfortable with the name and refers to me that way herself sometimes.

For the most part, I have enjoyed my relationships with the birth parents of my foster children. These relationships also gave me insight and a lot of information about the children we were fostering. Of course, that made fostering the children a little easier. For the children that we ended up adopting, the information has proved to be very valuable.

Photo credit Julia Fuller 2006