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“Reprinted with permission from Represent, Copyright 2005 by Youth Communication/New York Center, Inc. For more information visit Youth Communication
What We Think
Teens in care talk about gay foster parents.
In an editorial meeting at Represent, one of our writers in a group home announced, “Everybody knows gay people make the best foster parents. They’re the only ones who don’t take kids in for the check.” Other writers agreed.
So it surprised us to find out that some people feel gay people shouldn’t foster or adopt youth. Recently, in Texas, a controversial bill overwhelmingly passed the House to outlaw gay people from becoming foster parents there. Whether the bill becomes a law is still up in the air.
But other states already have policies or laws to prevent children from living in homes headed by gay people. In Florida, homosexuals can be foster parents, but are prohibited from adopting children. In Nebraska, state policy forbids gays and lesbians from becoming foster parents. In Mississippi, a person who is in a same sex relationship can’t adopt—even as a single parent—but a same sex couple can serve as foster parents. Only people who are single or married can become foster parents in Utah; unmarried couples, straight or gay, cannot foster or adopt.
Adults make all kinds of laws and policies to keep foster youth away from homosexuals. While there is no evidence or proof that gay people make bad parents, lots of adults feel they are a bad influence on kids. But what do youth in foster care think about having parents who are or might be gay? We went to Family Support Systems Unlimited in the Bronx to find out.
The following teenagers participated in our panel discussion: Earnest Lewis, 14, and his brother Rashad Matin, 16, and Tyrone Nedd, 19, Julio Cirino, 17, Wintai Measho, 19, and Isiah Chase, 16.
Here is what they told us.
Q: Should gays and lesbians be stopped from adopting kids or serving as foster parents?
Julio: No. I think the people who want to stop them are greedy. They must want the checks and the money for themselves. There aren’t enough good foster parents now. In a lot of homes the foster parents hit kids, leave ’em in the streets, make ’em eat garbage and lock ’em up instead of letting them go outside. Women who like other women are called lesbians. I think they could even be better foster parents than other women because they wouldn’t be bringing all these bad men back home to the house.
Rashad: I just don’t like gay people. The Bible is the Bible, and God didn’t make two of the same people as a couple. It’s important to have exposure to church. If the foster parents are gay, they might not be going to church. (Gay people) are already disobeying the Bible.
Earnest (grins at Rashad): Is the word (to describe your beliefs) ‘homophobia?’ The most important thing is to have good foster parents. That’s what’s most important! A lot of kids are brought up not to like gays, but it should be up to the kids whether they want to live with them or not. If the kids feel living with gay people doesn’t hurt them, it shouldn’t matter.
Wintai: I’m a youth advocate and I can tell you that before anyone gets approved to be a foster parent they have to be screened. They get fingerprinted and their name is checked against the child abuse registry. Then they have to attend a six-week training. A lot of people get rejected. So if a gay person abused kids or had a criminal record, they would be rejected anyway.
Gay people are the same as regular foster parents, if not better. Why would we kick kids out of a good home just because someone is gay? Or ban anyone from becoming a foster parent for no reason? Besides – what about gay youth? They might feel more comfortable in a gay home because they won’t feel judged. Maybe in a gay home they could be themselves.
Tyrone: Maybe (legislators) think that youth wouldn’t want gay parents, but it should be up to the youth to decide. I don’t think most youth are prejudiced. But to make a law saying they can’t be parents — that is prejudice. Texas is a crazy state.
Q: How would you feel about living in a foster home with parents who are gay or lesbian?
Tyrone: I am afraid of the unknown. But even though I know they’re not like me, they’re humans just like us. I have to think about it. I’ve never really known any gay people.
Rashad: It would be like being in jail. If you dropped the soap, you’d have to watch out to see if they’d get at you. I wouldn’t care if they were women, but I’d rather have no father than a gay father.
Isiah: It wouldn’t matter to me, as long as they don’t touch me. I’ve never known any gay people, but I understand they keep things up. Hygiene is important to me.
Julio: To me the most important thing about any foster parent is whether they can give me respect. Maybe gay people understand this more because they have been disrespected just like kids in foster care. I know this because I hear straight people talk about them behind their backs. They say, “f-ggot” or “he must be gay.” Stuff like that.
Earnest: I’d be OK with it, but I don’t think I’d be in the house as much. It could be awkward. There are gay kids in my school, but when they talk about hanging out, I don’t want to get close to them. On the other hand, I was in one foster home where the lady wouldn’t even give me a key and I had to stay outside. I hear a lot about gay people, like they’re healthy and clean and like to cook.
Q: Do you agree with our writers who say that gay people might not be as likely to take kids in for the check?
Tyrone: I don’t think gay people have more money than other people. Even if they did, that shouldn’t matter. Poor people can be good foster parents, too. A placement shouldn’t be made based on whether an adult has money, but on whether the child feels comfortable in the home.
Wintai: It’s true a lot of (straight) foster parents don’t work and are on welfare. I think a lot of gay foster parents and older foster parents aren’t as concerned about spending money on their kids. They’re more generous. You hear the stories: They’ll buy soy milk, Kellogg’s cornflakes at $5 a box — anything the kids want!
Rashad: I think they’re automatically going to go to hell.
Julio: I think they do have more money, but that’s not why they’d be better. If they want to be parents, they can’t have their own children. They just want to be parents. That’s all they want to do. So they would be taking kids in because they want children.
