Continued

You as the foster parent will also have a wide range of feelings. How involved you are in the bio visits is up to you? I know some foster parents, that will drop off the children at the back door of the CPS office, because they do not want contact or to be seen by the bio family. In some case you may be asked if you would like to meet in a public place in between where you and the bio family lives. I have done this a lot, mostly at fast food places. To me it seem to not make the bio parents feel so anxious or defensive. Not all visit can be set up like this and they could be moved to a CPS office. These usually happens if or when CPS feels that there may be a problem with the bio parents (Violence, arguments, not following the rules laid down for the visit, things may be escalating, etc.). This is to protect everyone involved especially the child.

My involvement is different with each child. I do know that I am a little more relaxed than in the beginning. With saying that I always stay on my toes and prepared for who knows what. When you pull into a McDonald’s parking lot where your foster daughter is having a visit and see a few police cars, you feel a little sick. While getting out of the car, you kind of think or maybe know that involves you (meaning your foster child). At that moment all I cared about was getting my child out of there. In some cases we (foster parents) are the ones to protect them and the bio parents are still inflicting trauma and danger to their child. Sadly to say losing their children does not always stop the trauma. You also have to remember that the bio parents will not stop or fix their behaviors over night. If they do change their behaviors it will most likely be small steps over a long period of time.


"The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference."
Audre Lorde