I did a lot of my posting for this week using the drip function, and also the automatic drip coffee method. As I lurked (read blogs, but did not comment) on the site, reading everyone’s blogs, I came across some things that I wanted to elaborate on or comment on, but felt that a comment on a particular blog was not enough.

I read Aleida’s blog about International vs. Domestic adoptions, and while I would probably adopt from the foster care system again, that is because of my experiences. Had I adopted internationally before, I might do so again.

I left a comment for Sandra (International Adoption),on one of her earlier posts, and stated that there were plenty of kids available for adoption domestically. I did not intend it as a personal attack, it’s just what I think. Likewise, I appreciate Aleida’s point of view, as well as all the other bloggers who write about adopting internationally, because it’s the passion of what we believe that shows in our writing and what makes this site so great.

Another interesting thing that I noticed, and I think deserves some further discussion, is Dr. G’s post on Compassion for the Abuser. I had some training once about stereotypes and how we judge people based on how they are labeled. It was very interesting. There were people that had names of things on their back, like “motorcycle gang member”, “child molester”, “drug user”, “alcoholic, …etc.

We were supposed to interact with these individuals, and see what happened. The child molester was the only one that people didn’t approach, didn’t talk to, and someone actually hit and verbally abused him. I don’t think I said or did anything to show my displeasure at the time, but I was feeling the same as the majority of the others in the training.

Later, when I worked as a program coordinator for four group homes for the developmentally disabled, I began to learn compassion for the abuser. We had one individual who had molested many boys, and another individual who molested young girls. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I’d be able to work with them, let alone talk to them.

But what I learned is that they are people, just like you and me, with problems, just like you and me. And while I don’t condone what they did and think it is awful, I also saw them as who they were; humans, with all the same imperfections as me and every other human. I no longer work there, but I see them regularly, and say hi, and ask how they are doing.

Another thing that I read about as I was lurking, was the post by Debi, titled Riddle Me This: …. While the comments pretty much covered the topic, I think that we need to both do some research on any behaviors that our adopted kids are exhibiting and try to figure out the cause, and try to love them as unconditionally as possible. I don’t know that “love conquers all” when it comes to adopted kids, but it does “conquer most”. But then there are the actual real problems that these kids have, that have been brought with them into the adoptive family.

These issues have nothing to do with that family, yet all the anger and associated feelings of distrust come out at the adoptive parents. By trying to figure out what is going on them, we show them love. We help rebuild their trust in adults by showing them that we care and that they matter.

Finally, parenting is anything but a hobby, it is a lifelong commitment. And while it can be fun (like when you find the perfect kid for your family), it is a lot of hard, but worthwhile work. Thanks, Debi, for making all of us stop and think…