I have found myself in a difficult position that greatly resembles the situation many people who are involved in foster care are in. In order to bring a child into your home that you have no history with, you either have to have the patience of a saint or the ability to take things as they come. I do not lay claim to either of those traits so I am struggling. I wish it were different. I wish that I could say that I can open my home to anyone for an extended period of time and enjoy it. This is not the case. I am not patient. I get nervous when things change.
Many people involved with fostering feel the same way. Bringing a child into your home disrupts the normal. It brings unrest into the home. The question that some people ask is, “Why do it?”
That is a great question and one that does not have a simple answer. I do it because I believe that aside from my own comfort- I can make a difference. I can change a life by setting my own feelings aside. I can also grow while helping that person grow. This is all great. It reflects the heart of many foster parents. There is only one problem- the knowledge of the head often does not change the emotional reaction. The emotional reaction can be very strong and discouraging. What can a parent do to fight their inner reaction? How can they still meet the need without succumbing to the intense feelings of having their privacy raided? How do you deal with the times when the new child makes you second guess yourself and what you have been doing for years? This is what I am in the process of discovering myself. It is not easy.
In my case, I struggled when my son came but he was young (23 months.) In his toddler stage, he was easier to accept because he really didn’t have an opinion- he was too little. Our recent addition of an older child has brought all of these feelings to the surface. This person came to our home fully formed with opinions and the willingness to share them. I find myself trying to avoid contact because of the feelings that I get from our interactions. This is not the way things should go in this relationship and I am trying to figure out how to shift it. Until then, I try to love because it is the right thing to do. For all of you who are struggling in this area- take the time to let yourself naturally form a relationship. You are worth the time as well.
~Angie
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