The Christmas tree was in the living room, when the children came home from school. My 8 year old foster daughter was horrified seeing the Christmas tree sitting in the living room. She kept saying trees are suppose to be outside. We explained how we celebrate Christmas, it took some time. One of our family traditions is that everyone gets to choose an ornament for the Christmas tree every year. This does include my foster children, they choose two, one to take with them when they leave and one for us keep. The ornament we keep lets us remember them and then feel a little closer. This little girl didn’t get presents at Christmas and was clueless to the whole holiday. It was very heart breaking. She felt the guilt of being happy and knowing her mother was too high to know or care it was the holidays. She checked under the tree every day on her presents (I think to see if they where still there or her name was still on them). She was so excited about spending Christmas with us and having her first real Christmas. She was placed with another family member, a few days before Christmas. She cried when she realized that she wouldn’t get to spend Christmas with us. Sadly, her presents were picked up several months after Christmas.
The younger children (6 and under) I had at Christmas time were in a complete daze. Going to see Santa and getting pictures has foreign to them. They would just sit and stare at the Christmas tree all lit up. It was sad to see that these children haven’t experienced a true Christmas in their short lives.

I believe it is harder for the older children because they realize how much they have missed. I haven’t had one child placed with me that received a gift from Santa in their bio homes. This to me is the hardest thing to deal with. They don’t understand why Santa didn’t come see them at “home”. Then they start to understand what they have missed. Which then just adds more rejection. So, Christmas can make the children see the reality of their life (which in most case isn’t nice). They long for a life with the pleasures of Christmas, the life and joy of a innocent childhood. In the same breath, they hate the betrayal that comes with loving their bio parents.
Our 14 year old foster son said to us “I wish you and Dad had always had been my mom and dad, like Allie (she is our bio daughter).” The next day he was upset because his bio mother would be alone and on the streets for Christmas.

Conitnued......

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly."
Lanston Hughes