Continued.......

In their lives they have not had an adult to provide for them or care for them. It is very possible when an adult had control over them the control was used to abuse, misuse, and hurt them. So as you can imagine allowing an adult to have control of them can be very difficult. You will have to have enough patience and understanding for yourself and the foster child. In the beginning the child will not believe what you say or what you are trying to do for them.

I had a three year old little boy that was the parenting figure and provider for his two year old sister. He would try to take a food and give it to his sister. He would even take food from his own plate. She could not be out of his eyesight without him panicking. They had always slept together so bedtime was a huge ordeal. Both children would cry themselves to sleep every night. First thing in the morning he would run to his sister’s bed to check on her. He would sit outside the bathroom door while I gave her a bath. He had a very difficult time being away from his sister for any amount of time. I would take his sister on short errands to allow them to see that things would be OK if he was not with her every moment. The first three or four times she left with me he would have a complete melt down. He would scream, cry, and try to run out of door. After we left a few times he became somewhat comfortable with her leaving and he finally realized that she would come back to him. I was gone five minutes the first time and then extend it a little more each time we left. His little sister did not have this strong need or connection to him. She loved going out on errands and having one on one time with me. By the time he left he could separate himself from his sister and realized the adults would provide for their needs. This does take time and is different with each child.

My older girls were a little bit more difficult. They did not want to give up the mothering positions. They would have rather spend their time with me in the kitchen, caring for the small children and doing other household stuff. They had to be pushed into doing things the children their own age were doing. This will take time and a lot of work on your part. After being very persistent and pushing the child into activities that allows them to have a childhood, you will slowly start seeing them make progress.

I will write more about this in the near future, so keep checking back.


“Don't go through life, grow through life.”
Eric Butterworth