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Telling Foster Children That Your Home Is Not a Permanent Placement
Questioning the Idea of a Placement Becoming Permanent for Your Family
Reasons Why It May Not Work as a Permanent Placement
Talking to your foster child or children why your home is not a permanent placement for them is not an easy topic to talk about. First, there are no magic words that will make it better or even sound okay for that matter. There is not an answer that covers all the situations.
First, be honest with the child, and no, that does not mean brutally honest. Do not give the child a false sense that it could be a possibility. If you are still unsure about things then give it more time but do not talk with the child about it until you know where things stand.
The one thing you do not want to do is to make the child feel that he or she is unable to be adopted by the right family. She needs hope that she will one day find a family. Otherwise a foster child will stop caring about almost everything, and not allowing herself to get close to anyone. Granted this is the hardest part of it.
I will share how I dealt with this when I have been faced with it. Only one of my foster daughters that asked if she could stay with I considered the possibility of adoption, but knew that it was not what the Child Welfare goal was. So, when she brought it up I explained that it was not an option that Child Welfare was even looking at. There was no sense in talking with her about the possibilities of the placement becoming permanent.
The other foster children that I have faced this with, I wouldn’t have considered adoption for a number of reasons. Yes, I know that may sound harsh but bringing children into a home when things are not right is not going to be the answer for anyone involved.
I explained to them that it was more about me than them. Every family out there does not fit every foster child just as some children do better in one foster home than other foster homes. They have to be in an adoptive home that feels like they can meet their long term needs. This is the big thing I get across to them. While I may not be an adoptive, or permanent placement, that does not mean that you cannot choose to stay here as long as you need. But that is up to the choices you make and as long as we continue working on things.
This is one of the hardest things about being a foster parent. At times it is a hard lonely road to travel, but worth it over all.
