Every foster child and even babies that I have fostered had some type of survival skills at different levels. It all depends on the type of abuse or neglect (in a lot of cases, the child suffers both) that the child suffered, along with how long she suffered. If these children had not developed these skills they would not have survived or would have been severely damaged. We all know there are children that have been so severely damaged that they never recover.

Infants and toddlers learn to eat as much as they can, when they can, since most do not eat on a regular basis. It is not uncommon that these children do not cry, or even expect someone to meet their needs. To be held, and have human contact, is something they may resist to the point of their body becoming stiff and painful sounding cries.

It is very common to see toddlers with food hoarding, steal other children’s food, gorging themselves until they vomit, when food was a major issue before coming into foster care. I had one toddler that would try and eat out of the trash can. When the children’s only way to get food is to eat out of trash cans, or eat food off the floor, this is the only way they know to get their needs met. These behaviors are not going to stop, or begin to change over night. The adults in these children lives have failed them. This failure causes them to expect the same from other adults. I had two little brothers that would get into horrible fights trying to take food from the each other.

With school age foster children, you can also see the same behaviors as you do with toddlers concerning food issues. Older children tend to be sneakier in stealing food. I had a couple of children that had been placed in the position to steal food from the store. The boy learned this from his biological mother. He would tell us how his mom would take him to the store so that he could hide meat under his shirt, and steal it from the store. One foster girl we parented was left to steal food so she could feed her little siblings because her biological mother was off getting high on drugs.

More reading:

Understanding Foster Children’s Need for Survival Skills

Foster Children without Childhoods

Foster Care Mental Health