If I read that statement without background, I might agree -- but for a different reason. Not that parents of biological children are not "fit" but that DCS sets such roadblocks that parents CANNOT raise the foster children the same as their bio children. For example, on one of the forums a potential foster mother was told that she could not snuggle a foster child (toddler) in her bed because the child "might" have abuse issues AND she could not snuggle her own preschooler as she had always done because the mere sight of it "might" make the foster child feel upset and threatened.
There have been many reports of foster parents wanting to take both bio and foster children on out-of-state trips (Disneyland, cruises, etc.) only to be told the foster child cannot leave the state and must be left in respite care. I know I could never be a foster parent if I were not "allowed" to treat the foster child the same as a bio child. If I am willing to pay for it out-of-pocket then the child should have every benefit that my bio child has.

Wow - that commenter really had some strong opinions!!

I have so many problems with this comment I don't know where to begin! To imply that I was willingly disregarding my bio-childrens welfare by fostering other children is extremely insulting. I began fostering because I wanted to give these kids a real family, an idea that not all families are as dysfunctional as the ones they were born into. That other people can care and love about you even when there is no bio connection. I wanted to comfort them in the transition of being removed from abusive or neglectful situations. My bio-kids were 5,6,8,9 when we began fostering and they had so much compassion for these kids!!

I don't like all of the rules we have about being required to treat our foster kids the same as our bio kids and then workers giving us all of these exceptions to the rule. How can you love and comfort a child while holding them at arms length?

A few families that started fostering around the same time we did (13 years ago) were in their mid to late 40's, on their 2nd marriages and had several children between them - with their youngest being in their late teens. One family had 10 kids between the two parents and then went on to adopt another 8 from the foster care system. The kids were all very young when adopted and are now entering their teens with parents who are pushing 60. While I personally have no problem with the current ages of these parents, they admit now that waiting until their youngest was in their late teens was a BIG mistake. The kids are very definitely two different families. There are the older kids and the younger set and they didn't grow up together so they just don't click. These people regret it immensely. The problems the kids have are much more severe than they could have ever guessed when they adopted them as babies or toddlers and now their older too and having to deal with some very violent kids when their friends are RVing around the country. Not everyone feels this way, but I can certainly understand why someone would want to raise the kids together.

As far as foster parents who do it for the wrong reasons - I am sick and tired of hearing about all of the rotten foster parents out there. Yes, there are some doozies. Do the workers know that these people are substandard providers? Of course they do!! The people had to have the same home inspection I did. They had to jump through the same hoops, they have workers out visiting monthly (hopefully) and yet they still place kids there. If the workers are willing to place kids in an unsafe place, then they will answer for that some day, some way. What I'm more worried about are the GOOD foster families that spend every penny they have and go above and beyond to help these kids and are still criticized and belittled for choosing to foster. Those are the people who burn out and leave.

Also, the state (no state that I'm aware of) will not let you have 12 foster kids in your home if you're not a group home so I think that was an exaggeration. Maybe the person was a big respite provider or something. The state has to print up those subsidy checks and that would be a big red flag if someone was getting paid for that many foster kids.

Whew!! Thanks guys. I was beginning to think I was all alone in my opinion that some of what was said was meant to anger those on this site daily. I may have gotten a little heated and so I decided to back off.

My husband made a good point though. If CHANGE thinks that all but a few foster families are corrupt and "bilking the system with their kid warehouses"---then why in her last post did she say that she donates substantial amounts of money to her foster organization. She should start her own agency that won't be so substandard. He also found her 30+ hrs a month of volunteering hilarious. It could be because he had just had to wipe our foster child's behind and feels that we put in 30+ hours a WEEK doing that alone. HeeHee

Some people just don't get how out of touch with our reality they are.

I thought that the comment CHANGE made about donating substantial amounts of money to her foster organization was hilarious!! Are we supposed to think she's an expert because she can use a pen and write a check?

I am amazed at the audacity of people who stick their toe into our world and think they know more than we do. Is she more educated and therefore more of an authority on EVERYTHING then? You cannot learn about our lives by interacting with 6 families!! So what did the one good family do that the other five didn't? Were they just nicer to her so they passed her "foster care competency test"? Sorry to be so snarky about it, but I am so tired of this!! I haven't been a foster parent for 2 year now (turned in our license after the last adoption) but I know all too well how we were judged and how we are still viewed. I have worked so hard and put up with so much just in my own household, I don't have the energy to fight the self-righteous too!

You know, the foster system is pretty broken in a lot of ways. No one knows that better than foster parents trying to work within it. It's not hard to trot out plenty of statistics that show that foster children are lagging far behind children who were always raised in loving homes. This is also not a news flash to foster parents. But my "Can I do this for my foster child?" list looks a bit different than the previous commenter. OK. She may not be entering college or totally competent to handle her money yet. But she didn't get pregnant at 14. She's not doing drugs. She's physically healthy, safe, and reasonably happy. She has a family who will stand by her as she ventures out into the world.

Dinner party consensus gives me a little chuckle. The picture is just so rich. We have dinner party consensus here at our house too. I imagine the dress code, menu, and dinner conversation are little bit different. Thank goodness!

I am new to this and I would like to read what started this. Just by what I read it sounds interesting, but I don't want to say anything without reading that first. So how do you go back and read it?

plhearon,

Read the comments on the post below (just click on the link).

Wondering If You Can Handle Foster Children

Lanette