...and she was a big help in getting things set up for my class...(continued from part two)

So, when it was time for Brandi to leave that home, the foster mom asked if we would take her for a few days. We reluctantly said yes, even though it wasn’t really our decision to make. For the few days that she was with us, we had a lot of fun with her, and talked a lot about what she wanted, plans for the future, and other things. We took her shopping, and bought her some clothes that weren’t as revealing as what she normally wore. We talked about whether she wanted to stay with us, and she liked the idea one minute, but changed her mind the next.

She was too confused about being kicked out of the home that she thought was where she would live permanently. The foster parents never told her directly that they wanted her there, but told others that if the case plan changed to adoption, then they were interested.
Brandi was a very sweet girl, but she could also be oppositional and defiant, and she didn’t like to be told what to do. She even knew intuitively that her behavior at times was wrong and innapropriate, but she refused to change. She was really good at manipulating a situation to benefit her, and would play people against each other.

When Brandi moved into the new foster home, it was me who picked her up and took her to Karate lessons and basketball games, and we would spend time with her on the weekends sometimes. Mostly, it was me spending time with her, and not Ronni and me. This, of course, led to problems with our relationship, as I was spending so much time with this kid, and taking on responsibility that was not mine. The new foster parents should have been taking care of transporting her places, but they had me.

Ronni and I were also going through a lot of tough emotional stuff at the time, due to our wanting to adopt a daughter, and I thought for a long time that Brandi was meant to be our daughter. We both loved her, and I found out later that Ronni too was very hurt when she left, and we were not able to foster her.

I learned a lot from the experience, and have since worked on having stronger boundaries. I learned that our daughter, at the time, was in another adoptive home, but since she was meant to be with us, that placement didn’t work out. And Jessica is very much like Brandi in a lot of ways. So, we learned many things from Brandi that have helped us parent Jessica.

The good news is that Brandi is doing well with her real family. A grandparent ended up taking her in, after Brandi had been in foster care for about three years. Jessica has also found her forever family in us, and we couldn’t be happier. It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?