It must be the upcoming holidays; they make me wax nostalgic. Anyway, I have been thinking constantly about Puddin.’ She came to us for the first time a year ago. I thought about sending her “forever family” a Christmas card. And then I worried that maybe that wouldn’t be helpful. And finally, I came to the conclusion that I should just mind my own business and let them get on with their lives!
This is the hard part about foster care. We do get attached to these kids. We love them. We want them to be happy and to thrive. So, we miss them.
All but one of my own kids came to me after foster care. Our oldest, Pepper, was in foster care just 3-1/2 weeks after birth. She’s 15 now, and we still exchange Christmas cards with her foster family and occasionally visit; we saw them just last year. Our first foster baby was Will. His family is equally communicative with us and he is a big brother himself now!
These two circumstances are the exception however. Some of our kids go back to their original families, who understandably want to put the whole thing behind them. Even the others — the children who are adopted — well some of them need to distance themselves too. Two of our brood were quite attached to their last foster family; to attach to us they needed some distance. Now, it seems forced to keep up the connection. That family has a child the same age as one of ours; she grieved when our little ones left and her mom really wants to keep up our contact. There are geographic challenges though and frankly, I’m just not sure it’s best for our kids. These are all tough decisions.
In the end, I know every family has to do what they think best. My job – my family’s job — is to love each child as if he or she were our own; and then to let them go. I guess it’s to “love them and leave them,” really. It is likely best for Puddin’ to leave us behind — for now– or forever. So I won’t send a card unless I hear from them first. Puddin’ is part of our past. I do, however, send my love, my prayers, my best regards. God bless you, Puddin.’ Merry Christmas!
