One thing that is often missing from a foster child’s life is the basic ‘you are part of the family’ stuff. By this I mean that when you are dealing with your children they have specific rights or privileges simply because they are part of your tribe. Maybe your children know that they will get whatever they want to eat for dinner on their birthday. They know that this is part of being in your family. They look to it with anticipation. The foster child who has been removed from their home loses that. All of the tribe things are gone just like that. They have to rewrite their expectations or have none at all. Often having no expectations is the easiest. Yet, this causes a disruption in their emotional health. Children are made to have expectation. They expect to have enough to eat. They expect to have a bed to sleep in. They also expect that what is important to them, is important to others. When the family is disrupted, such as in foster children’s lives- they suffer.
Whew! I seem to have stumbled onto my soapbox. All I was trying to say is that we as foster parents must remember to make all of the children living in our home ‘part of our tribe.’ If there is a girl’s night… Every girl is an important member. We did this recently at my home. The boys went out for the evening and the girls had Girl’s Night In. Let me tell you, we partied down. We picked whatever movies we wanted, suited up with blankets and pillows- then preceded to raid the cupboard. I have to admit though, I was put in an awkward position. I am used to my daughter and I sacking out watching movies. I know her likes and dislikes. We choose movies similarly. Now we have an exchange student who is a girl. I know that that is not a foster care child but it is a similar situation. So when we were doing all of our planning, I had to make sure that she was involved. I had to make sure that my movie choice was understandable to her, that she could enjoy the food and felt comfortable. That is my job as her interim mother. She did have a good time. I personally would have rather watched a different movie- animation isn’t my thing but she could understand it so that’s what we watched.
She walked away feeling like she was one of the girls. That is what I wanted. She was important in the decision making process so this felt like her party too. The joy on her face made me realize how important the feeling of fitting in is in a child’s life. I am grateful that I got to witness it firsthand so that I can live it with everyone who passes through my home- no matter how long they stay.
~Angie
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