I absolutely love being a foster mom…most of the time. I work with a group of caring, admirable caseworkers…most of the time. My plan is to keep doing foster care until the day I die…most of the time. Today is not a “most of the time” day. I want to be done! I want to walk away from all of it and never look back.
After all, I have done my part, haven’t I? We have been foster parents for over 11 years to over 40 children. I have had birth parents call me horrible names, caseworkers go behind my back and act unprofessionally, and kids who have ensured I have nothing of value left to break in my house. I can walk away now, can’t I?
Sometimes, it all just seems so hard and pointless. I worry my impact will be a negative one rather than positive, when I try so desperately to give my all to every child who enters our home. However, when I feel that way, invariably there will be a sweet, innocent little one who will come along and change my mind. Because, quite simply put, no matter how much the adults in this arena annoy me at times, there is always a beautiful angel around who makes it all worth it.
That is what I have to remind myself when I am having one of these days. I do not do foster care because of the adults, I do it because of the children. (I don’t do it for the pennies either, but that is another post.)
If there ever comes a time when I don’t get a little frustrated by the slow moving wheels of child welfare, that is when I should call it quits. The fact that I still get upset every once in a while about the way a child is being treated is actually a good sign because it means I still care…all of the time!