Transitions between activities are important too, so let the child know when the activity they are doing now is going to end, and another activity is about to start. That way, there are no surprises. And be very careful not to promise anything that you can’t deliver. It’s better to not plan something and then be able to go, than to plan to go somewhere and then have it not happen. Many children have been repeatedly promised things by their parents or other adults in their lives, and then the adults don’t follow through. This leads to the children thinking that all adults are like this, and they won’t trust anybody.

Once you get the structure in place in the home, you can move on to helping your child with whatever past issues they may have. All children in foster care have issues that come with them, and many of the behavioral problems that you see stem from the past. As a foster parent, you should have support with this, in the form of a therapist for the child. I say should, because the child will usually be assigned a therapist, even though they may not be appropriate for that child.

As Julie Crowley mentioned in her recent post, it is okay to fire your therapist if they are not helping you or your child. And she is absolutely right. As a foster parent, or an adoptive parent of a child from foster care, you have plenty of other problems to deal with, and you really need the support of the caseworkers, therapists, CASAs, and everyone else involved to make sure the child gets the support they need to become a part of your family.

The therapist (and the child, when old enough) and you should all be working together to figure out what is going with this child, and how to help them. While the therapy is not your job, you will need to work with the child, by reinforcing what they are learning in therapy, and by helping them use the tools that they are given, if any.