September 3rd, 2007
Posted By:
Categories: The Questions

I have never claimed that all biological parents are bad parents, or abuse their children. I myself am also a biological parent. I know a ton of biological parents that are great parents that do not abuse or neglect their children. First, let me clear this up. I am not against biological parents. I am against parents that do abuse or neglect their children and that make the choice to place themselves before their children. I have written blogs when asked questions, and for help, by biological parents that hoped to get their children back. I did this because I was actually trying to help them because they asked me to help them.

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I have never supported any foster parent that harms a child, nor would I ever. I have never denied that the Child Welfare system does not have major problems, and is in need of desperate reform. I can honestly say that there is not one part of foster care that does not need reforming including foster parents.

I am not against biological family members caring for children that would otherwise have ended up in foster care if it is in the best interest of the children. I have written several blogs concerning kinship placement including how to go about it, and making it work.

Funny how some like to call me, and other foster parents, names or make other negative statements concerning foster parents such as self-righteous, hypocrites, goodie two-shoes, rescuer, attention seeking, looking down my nose, riding my white horse, etc. While some question whether I think I am better than you (biological parents for abused or neglected children) I think I make better life choices. Just because I choose not to abuse, or neglect my children, does that make some people feel that I think am better? Remember we all make the choices in our own lives.

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More reading:

Feeling Sorry For or Having Empathy

Feeling Sorry For or Having Empathy – Which is Best?

3 Responses to “Foster Parents – Myth versus Reality”

  1. soblessed says:

    Lanette:

    ((HUGS)) FWIW, I think you’re great standing alone OR compared to another parent.

    Abusing or neglecting your children is not only wrong, it is shameful. In my experience, those who have abused or neglected their children, although they would LOUDLY deny it, usually do have some degree of shame. And victimizing the foster parent is a way to take blame off of themselves. Don’t take it personally.

    You are absoloutely right. You CHOOSE not to abuse or neglect your kids. That’s the key…..

  2. Chromesthesia says:

    Why do people keep blaming the wrong people?
    What needs to be done is facing the fact that some, not all biological parents abuse their children.
    That needs to be challenged, it needs to be fought, it needs to stop. Blaming foster parents won’t help unless it’s abusive foster parents.
    Folks who are abusive need to take responsibility for their abuse and DEAL with it.

  3. lmg1567 says:

    In my personal experience, the bio-parents whose children have been placed in my home for foster care were extremely self-centered. It was always about how THEY felt, what was convenient for THEM, THEIR rights, etc. Not once did I feel like any of my efforts were appreciated – quite the contrary, I was vilified as quite the evil person. One bio-mom told her son (age 4) that the socks he wore to a visit were ugly and that I was getting over a thousand dollars a month to take care of him so I better buy him some nicer socks by the next visit. Another would inspect her childrens ears, hair, fingernails, toenails, etc. to make sure they were spotless because everyone knows that foster parents don’t keep the kids clean, fed and healthy so she was going to make sure I did my job. She also wanted to know if I was reading to the kids for at least an hour every day because it was the “law”. Incredible!!! I tried to not take it personally, but it’s hard not to when you think you’re paying attention to every detail and they just nit-pick like crazy. I don’t miss that at all….

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