Shar, in Learning to Love (Older Child Adoption blog), talks about sexually abused children, as does Dr. G, in Fragile. Please Touch (Adoptive Parenting blog), a complementary post. They are both talking about appropriate touch and teaching sexually abused children how to love again, in a safe environment.

Foster care, I think, is a whole different ball game. Children in care repeatedly say that what they want from the foster parent is to feel like they are part of the family. This includes children who may have been sexually abused. And, according to the statistics, the majority of girls and a high percentage of boys in care have been sexually abused.

Foster parents know that the kids may not be in their home for very long, and they are supposed to be working with the birth parents toward reunifying the family. So, how do you strike a balance between being a foster parent and giving the children what they need in terms of feeling like part of the family? You get training, so you know about the physical and behavioral indicators of sexual abuse in children.

Training can be in the form of reading about sexual abuse, taking training classes in your local area, or using online training services. Some sources of online training can be found here.The Foster Care and Adoptive Community offers many courses too. Be sure to check with your licensing agency to be sure you will get credit toward your yearly training requirement for taking classes online. Some of this type of training may not count. Regardless of whether you get credit or not, training on what to look for and how to deal with sexually abused children is valuable to you as a foster parent.

For your reference, some physical indications of sexual abuse are*:

• Complaints regarding pain and irritation of the genitals.


• Sexually transmitted disease.


• Pregnancy in young adolescents.


• Frequent unexplained sore throats, yeast, or urinary infections.

Some behavioral indicators of sexual abuse*:

• Drug or alcohol abuse.


• Depression, suicidal gestures.


• Chronic running away.


• Sexual knowledge or behavior beyond what is expected for the child's developmental level.


• Avoidance of undressing, or wearing extra layers.


• Decline in school performance.


• Sudden avoidance of certain familiar adults or places.

The most reliable indicator of sexual abuse is the child's verbal disclosure, but of course they may not tell anyone about it for a variety of reasons. So get some training and help your foster children learn to trust again.

*Children exhibiting these symptoms may be experiencing sexual abuse. The only way to know is to seek professional help. This article is for informational purposes only.