There are children in this country that do not have the opportunity for a childhood. Most children coming into foster care have not had the luxury of a childhood. They do not know how to be a child. Sadly these children are left with adult responsibilities.

Children as young as 5 years old are left to care for their younger siblings. The older child becomes the caregiver and the provider. I fostered one child that would care of his mother when she was shooting up drugs. He was left to take the needle out of his mother’s arm, wipe off the blood and remove the tourniquet. I was shocked to hear him talk like this was normal and an everyday part of life.

Then they are placed into foster care as a child without the adult responsibility they have lived their lives with. How do you become something that you have no idea how to be? This is all of these children know and they cannot be expected to fall right into being a child.

I have watched foster children wanting to have fun and experience childhood things with other children but struggle with how to go about it. They have to learn to be a child and to experience what other children take for granted. I fostered a three year old boy that was the caregiver for his little sister. He had a heck of a time allowing anyone else to try to parent his sister. She also would look for him to care for her and to meet her needs.

It takes time for a child to allow a foster parent to become the parental figure for their younger siblings. This little girl would not get into the bath tub unless her brother told her to. The more I pushed her to allow me to meet her needs as the parental figure the more she would withdrawal into herself. I had to back off and work with her brother to allow me to be the parent. Understanding what is going on can help you to give the children time to adjust and the patience.

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More reading:

Chances, Chances and More Chances

Fighting Battles for Our Foster Children

Fighting Ongoing Battles for Our Foster Children