It is very hard for foster children coming into your home that have been in the provider or parental role. They come into a strange new home were they have no control and loss their responsibilities. Their responsibilities is a big part of their life and part of who they are.

My belief is that the children should have childhoods with some limited responsibilities. I have learned that this is harder for some foster children to accept. Being a child and not having adult responsibilities is something that does take some time and some children always feel the need for adult responsibilities.

Personally, for me, this was a hard thing also. I am not one to have children in my home that assume adult responsibilities. In the beginning it was a power struggle with who were the adults in the house.

One of my foster daughters (age: 10) had always been the parental figure in her biological home to her younger sibling. This was not by her choice it was a role that she had to assume. Her biological mother was a drug addict that was always strung out leaving her two children to care for themselves. For most of this little girl’s life she had spent being the only mother figure that her younger sibling knew.

When she was placed in my home we had younger children and she stepped right into the mothering role with them. This was a huge struggle for both of us. The more I pushed her into the child role the more she shut down. I sat and watched her one day with my one year old foster/adopted daughter. She was a natural and great with her. She was a happy and completely different child when she was in the mothering role. At that point watching them, I realized that was who this little girl was and had always been. Mothering was all she had known and was lost without it. I knew that we had to come to a compromise that would still allow this little girl a childhood and still let her keep part of her mothering to a point.

Next I will share how I personally worked with different children and their needs to have the care giver and mothering role.

More reading:

Foster Children Growing Up To Fast

Foster Children Shouldering Parental Responsibility


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