I talked about when foster children struggle with biological parents being unable to experience the holidays with them during my last post. Truthfully this is something that will pop up from time to time and does not have to be during the holidays.

When you take your foster children to the park for a picnic, or any other family outing, the feelings about wishing their biological parents could also experience this, can surface. Most foster children in time have talked about this to different degrees while in my home.

The common thread with most if not all of them was the foster children’s desire to be able to have this experience with their biological parents. When in reality, it should be the other way around. I had a foster son make this statement, “Things would be better if my mom had this and I could give this to her, then I could be with her.” He was referring to a big family Thanksgiving.

I take the opportunity to explain that this should not be up to them to provide for their parents. The biological parents at this time are unable to care for them (meaning the children), and that is why they are in foster care so that their biological parents can deal with their issues so that they are able to provide all the needs of their children. Yes, I believe any child needs the connection to family time together. Family can be just a mom and child spending time together cooking, playing, or being together during the holidays. I always remind the child that the biological parents are suppose to be meeting his needs and none of this is his fault. For whatever reasons his biological parents have been unable to do this and that is about them getting to a place that they are able to do so.

Also I talk about how different things (ex: drugs, violence, transit living, etc) in their biological parents’ life have prevented them from doing this for them, not because they did not want to. Foster children can easily believe that the lack of these things (with their biological families) is due to them in some part which is not the truth.

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