Adopting Through Foster Care

By the time this beautiful girl was available for adoption we realized that parenting her was a huge undertaking and at times could be quite challenging. When the label of Reactive Attachment Disorder was placed on her I was a little thrown, but I had the attitude; “Okay, we will deal with it.”

Then there were the therapists, doctors, caseworkers, etc. painting this bleak picture that she may never bond with anyone and as she grows older she may struggle with major issues. They were concerned because she was already so aggressive with children and adults how would it be as she got older. My heart was broken and people were taking away my hope for the future. Not adopting her was never an option.

My daughter’s behavior therapist knew we were struggling with all this attachment information about how others saw her possible future. She was our ECI (early child intervention) therapist from the beginning, so she had seen the progress that she had made with her sensory issues. She was in our home on a regular basis and saw our interaction with this baby girl. She became the person to give us hope again about our daughter’s future even with having Reactive Attachment Disorder.

She helped us see that she may always have issues but we had faced all her issues to this point and had made some progress with her. She said, “I do not see her as unreachable. She may never connect to you as your daughter (bio) has, but I believe in time she will connect with you. You have had amazing progress with her already so, you are reaching her. The others (doctors, therapists, etc) have not seen her from the beginning nor do they realize that you are reaching her in other areas. Lanette, I see something in this baby girl and believe you can make a difference with her.”

This lady helped me find my hope again and the will to help my daughter. We decided that I needed to be with her full time for her to bond with me, so I quit my job and became a full time mom once again. We went on to adopt her and then started all the intense therapy. We found some things that really worked for her overtime and slowly started to see progress. I will share what we did with her in the future. The road was a hard one to travel and was not without issues along the way. I knew in my heart that we were slowly reaching her and she was starting to allow herself to bond with us.


Fast forward a few years after the dreadful, possible outcome of having Reactive Attachment Disorder. Caseworkers and other people that see her today cannot believe that she is the same child. Are all her issues gone? No, they are not, but she’s learning how to deal with them and we also learned how to cope and work with her. That is one thing I did not realize in the beginning. For us to change for her was just as important as her learning to change.

While I do realize that she will always struggle with her sensory and attachment issues from time to time, I know that she is a success. I cannot tell you how many people tell me, “She is too attached to you. You need to think about placing in school or half a day daycare so that she is not so attached to you.” Statements like this tell me without a doubt we have reached her and she was reachable. Granted I do realize that she has bonded heavily with me more so than anybody else, but then again, I was the one doing the therapy with her, and spending 24/7 with her. What would one expect? She has bonded and formed healthy attachments with everyone else and now she is a warm loving little girl that everyone gravitates to.

Yes, I do understand all children do not make this much progress but some do, allowing for hope

Photo Credit: Lanette G.