I am in the middle of a foster care case that is dragging on for years. I guess AFSA means nothing anymore.
I feel your frustration about how everyone else's rights are served before that child's (and as a foster mom, I have less than zero rights evidently.)
I have had my little boy in my home since he was two months old and he is now almost 3 years old. It is hard for me not to feel bitter about this whole thing.
I would appreciate any words of wisdom or inspiration. I desperately want to adopt Lou and close the door on all of this chaotic and emotionally-stressful time in my life.
B

I feel the same way you do. We have had our daughter since she was 3 months old. All because her mother decided to leave her in a crack house with unknown people so she could go find more crack, taking in mind this is her 9th child in foster care. We were 3 months away from adopting her, now that she is 20 months and now dad finally gets out of jail on his time he has done from battery on a police officer, mind you this is his 10th offense and now that he is out of jail and wants her back, all he had to do was 90 days of classes and he passed, so he gets her back, when she doesnt even know him or he knows her, doesnt have a job and they tell us, that they do not discriminate on poverty, because that doesnt mean he wont be a good parent. Not that poverty will stop him from buying diapers so she doesnt get a diaper rash after sitting in it for hours, or that poverty wont stop her from starving to death when he doesnt have money to buy food, and that he has 5 other children living with his relatives because he could not provide for them, but they are different cases and one has no bearing on the other, because they are 15,16,and 17 and have almost aged out of the system, they still want to reunify this baby to her father in 3 months. When we have had her since she was 3 months old. People think we want her because we cant have our own. We have 3 grown children and thought that it would be wrong to not help the less fortunate when we have every means too. We think about her life and how it's going to be ruined, like her 16 year old sister that is pregnant now. Our poor daughter has no chance in this life now. They bring her candy and cookies once a week for visits and everyone thinks thats good enough to provide food, when we never give her those things. How sad this system is. I am so bitter and so mad at our government........no wonder why everyone hates us, I do too. Animals look after their young better than we do. Such a shame. Our government says they are here for the children, when they are not. IT'S A LIE! The welfare program will stop when the government quits giving low lifes a way out and holding them to the same circumstances as they hold the middle and upper class too. How you live your life is YOUR decision! NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES! So our daughter whom we have raised right, now has to suffer and will be a statistic in the years to come. How sad it is for her, if she will ever know how her life could have been different, full of dreams and hope. Going to college and have a rewarding life with a great husband and family, because that's what we would have taught her, that she is worth the world in our eyes. THE LAWS NEED TO BE CHANGED AND UNLESS WE ARE WILLING TO SACRIFICE OURSELVES, THEY NEVER WILL! I am going to live on capitol hill for this one little girl, who is worth the world!!!!!

For the mother of the 20 month old:
it is so rough for us. And when we actually have feelings - of possessiveness, of grief, of worry - we are treated as if we don't deserve to have those feelings because "this is what you signed up for."
No way. This is NOT what I signed up for.
What person can parent a baby for more than a couple months and not want to make them their own? You can have all the belief in the system you want (although I would have to question your reasoning for that) but that is not going to stop you from loving that child and wanting to protect him or her from any threat which includes the unknown and situations that he or she just should not have to go through.
If the child is thriving and is safe in his/her foster home for more than a year, and the foster parents want to adopt the child, I think that they should have that right absolutely.
B