One of the hardest things about having children is the lack of time that the parents have to procure a solid relationship. This is especially true of couples who are involved in foster care. It seems as though the constant demands of the family coupled with the normal everyday life issues often strain a relationship. This is a difficult issue because there is not necessarily anything wrong being done. It is simply that the pressing needs of the moment must be met and the needs of the adults must take a back seat. This causes a disruption in the natural family base. That disruption is actually quite a big deal when it comes to raising children who are in a foster care situation. They have witnessed so many broken parts of society that in order to truly make a difference in their lives, it is important that we, as foster parents, choose to build our relationship with our spouse. Does the word choose seem cold or out of place in this situation? I do not think that it is. My reasoning for this is that all when so many things are tugging us away from each other- we must decide to shift our focus- if only just for a moment.
I know that it is difficult to leave a child in need and I do not think that it should be done to the detriment of the child. Yet, I believe that many of a child’s needs are truly wants. They want undivided attention- at all times. This is not even feasible. Yet, I see mother’s trying to single-handedly meet that need for the children in their home while their spouse suffers. Is there natural [suffering] in a relationship where children are involved? Of course, though much of it could be avoided.
Take the time to sit with your spouse. Talk about the day. Deal with the issues that must be dealt with but leave the others. If this is difficult- try a date night. This does not have to be a weekly thing but it should occur often enough that the children register it. This is not only good for your relationship; it is also modeling the behavior that you want the child under your care to emulate. I have heard the phrase that children are like little sponges- they soak up everything. That is true of actions as well as words. Put a couple of positive relational things into your life and watch how the children grow. It is exciting to be part of, you are shaping the minds of the next generation. Is there any more of a sacred job to be completed?
Enjoy the company of your mate, schedule regular alone time. Then when you the two of you rejoin the family, you will be united in your goal- to change the lives of children.
~Angie
Photo Credit
