February 17th, 2008
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Yes, there are bad foster parents out there without a doubt just as there are bad biological parents, physicians, educators, dentist, etc. With saying that does not mean that every person in that typical category is good or bad for that fact.

Men teachers have taken advantage of young girls and even some boys for that matter, sexually, but that does not mean that all male teachers are perverts. My husband is a special educational teacher, and it would totally be wrong to assume that. Granted there are some parents and others that have this mentality, which is wrong. Now days, the female teachers are out numbering the male teacher in this instance, but strange how no one is accusing that all female teachers are out to harm children.

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There is good and bad with everything in this world and it is totally wrong to place everyone in the bad category just because. Can a person really base their entire views on six out of thousands of foster parents? Maybe the question is, should they?

I have personally seeing my fair share of bad foster parents. Heck, some even work with the same agencies that I do. But to go as far as to say that most or the majority are that way would be over the top.

Yes, everyone understands that the foster care system is a complete mess but the foster parents are the ones to put up with it day in and day out. Believe me, we do not enjoy taking the crap that we have to, but it is something that we deal with to help and parent our foster children.

It is quite easy to get on our throne of judgement, question people on their parenting choices, styles, methods, etc. yes, even including biological parenting. Time to time I find myself going there thinking if I was faced with that situation I would react so totally different. Then I remember. When I was faced with a similar situation it was not so easy in the trenches as it appeared up on my throne of judgement.

More reading:

Should Biological and Foster Children Be Parented Together?

Raising Your Children and Foster Children Under One Roof

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4 Responses to “Are Bad Foster Parents Out There?”

  1. change says:

    When you set out to improve any system/situation – do you do it by only defending the parts that are already working?

  2. lmg1567 says:

    change – excuse me but, WHAT?

  3. Sunbonnet Sue says:

    Change commented:

    Some of the questions that I would ask if I was ~ Wondering if I can handle foster children? ~ would be:
    1. What is the long-term plan for this child?
    2. Do I have the ability to prepare this child for being accepted to college?
    3. Do I have the ability to teach this child healthy money management skills?
    4. Do I have the ability to teach this child healthy nutrition skills?
    5. Am I capable of teaching this child critical thinking skills, and patient enough to allow this child to test them?
    6. Do I lead by example?
    7. Do I understand the importance of involving this child in extracurricular activities (team sports, arts, etc….), and will I make it a priority?

    Change: Hello! It is a fairly simple task to get everyone to agree our child welfare system is in need of overhaul. The above list of questions is a big clue to your woeful ignorance of the system. Please allow a slight rewording.

    1.What is the long term case plan goal for the child? Who developed the case plan, and who is responsible for implementation?

    2.Does the child have the ability to accept and make use of college preparation?

    3.Does the child have the ability to learn and make use of money management skills?

    4.Does the child have any interest in learning healthy food choices?

    5.Do they posses the ability to internalize why such food is in their own best interest?

    6.Is the child capable of learning critical thinking skills? Is it wise to patiently allow them the natural and logical outcomes of their current choices?

    7.Does this child follow my leadership?

    8.Is the child interested in putting forth the effort required for successful participation in extracurricular activities, and do they value opportunity?

    Your comments have brought about a few questions of my own. According to your statements, if a home can provide only basic needs, and then the child moves to another placement, that foster home should choose to close. There currently exists a dire shortage of foster homes willing and able to provide basic care. If the current ones close at your suggested ratio (five out of six) where then would the basic needs of the child coming into care tonight be met? Who would provide the care? How much would they be compensated, financially? Do people providing care to our most needy citizens have the right to expect financial compensation? If not, how will they pay their heating and food bills?

    The 30 hours per month you are donating of your time sounds really low. That is roughly 1.5 days/month. You quote your highly educated associates and the amount of money you have offered as proof of your skill level. It might surprise you to find amazingly educated, highly skilled and accomplished people, deep in the trenches of child welfare. We won’t even touch on the vast amounts of money involved, since most of us aren’t interested in putting $$ out there. However, your stated time commitment is reflective of your viewpoint.

    These kids need care. The people providing the care need help. With a capital H. and support with a capital S. When you’re ready, willing and able to provide that, then, maybe then, someone will listen to you and thank you for your efforts. But it is highly unlikely. It seems to me you might be volunteering your time and money for all the wrong reasons, just as you have so harshly judged others as having done.

  4. xxsurroundedbyxy says:

    Change~

    Well…where to begin? I think that with the info you have provided that:

    You should not be making any of these statements…

    1. “Kim, there are some big city problems out here…and they’re UGLY! Your small town foster utopian advice is simply irresponsible to the needs of my county.”

    Big city??? 20,000 rich folks who wouldn’t dare take in a domestic foster child but will a foreign exchange student? Since my small town utopian advice comes from a town double your size with over 100 foster homes, I would consider it my advice more responsible than yours. LOL

    2.”I’m confident in my ability to seek truth, so exaggerating my experience serves no purpose to me.”

    Honey, I don’t think ANYONE here believes you are exaggerating your 30+ hrs. We just find 30+ hrs. per month pathetic for someone who thinks that’s enough to speak on the behalf of foster children.

    3. “I completely understand the daily grind. I also understand that foster parents have additional burdens placed on them.”

    The daily grind of raising your own childen is NOT the same daily grind of raising children hurting so much EVERY day. You ARE the additional burden placed on foster parents. I would venture to “assume” that you are some of the reason these kids were moved home to home because if I had to deal with you in my home on a regular basis I may have to make changes too. Those poor 5 families that you deemed “unqualified” must have gone through hell with you and your judgements.

    I think the real problem is that you are upset with your county and local DCFS offices (and perhaps the 5 foster homes you were allowed into). So to get on a forum like this one that has far reaching readers and making broad statements like “I’m inclined to believe that the competent foster parent is few and far between” or insulting ones like “I will never know if you are one of them, but I hope you are” and “My comments apparently struck a chord with you…I can only assume why” is a mistake on your part. You won’t find much support for your opinion here. You are downing the wrong part of the system. Someone in your local office needs to be checking these foster homes out if they are truly despicable…..and if they truly are– then someone within your circle needs to take the intiative to open their own home to FC and show us all how to “do it right.”

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