August 21st, 2007
Posted By:
Categories: The Questions

I have heard that I do not understand the term, a mother’s love, being used when I have talked about biological mothers abusing or neglecting their children. As a foster parent, I do get this thrown in my face quite a lot from biological families and others. Is the abuse that foster children suffer in the name of a mother’s love?

A child beaten to the point of breaking bones

An 8 month old baby accidentally ingested meth and other drugs

A 21 month old baby battered and beaten to death by two men in mom’s life

Children being left home alone for days to care for themselves

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Children living in drug environments with violence, abuse (including sexual), or taken to a drug house, cold, dark, scared and alone, and helping mom shoot up, etc.

Mom looking the other way while the man in her life are molesting her young children (even toddler and babies) and denies it even when faced with the facts, or even worse, blaming the child for the sexual abuse.

A 9 month old baby drowns in the bath tub.

Children locked in closets

Can these things really be a mother’s love? A mother’s love is knowing that she has made some terrible mistakes at the expense of her children, and taking responsibility for them. There is no benefit in blaming society, foster parents, child welfare system or anyone else in the choices that she has made in life.

Love is getting herself together to become the mother her children deserve and putting her children before all else. The energy she uses in blaming others would go along way in getting her life together for her children. The mother is the only one that can fix this mess her children are in. A mother’s love is learning from her mistakes and becoming a better person and mother to her children.

3 Responses to “A Mother’s Love”

  1. lmg1567 says:

    AMEN!! I remember talking to a brand new foster care worker who thought I was horrible because I did not have the optimistic view of a birth mom getting her children back that she did. I saw things as RED FLAGS that she made excuses for and the birth mom ended up voluntarily relinquishing her parental rights in the end. That was the biggest show of motherly love I ever saw her display. She was really happier not having to be a mom anymore because it was alot of work to her and there was always something else she’d rather be doing. I think there is something to be said about experience being a great teacher.

  2. Faith Allen says:

    There is an entire website devoted to helping women heal from mother-daughter sexual abuse:

    http://mdsasupport.homestead.com/index.html

    Raping your own daughter is not “loving” in any sense of the word. By viewing mothers as “above abusing” their children, society erects an additional barrier for those who are trying to heal from the abuse. Whether or not people want to believe that mothers abuse their children, some do. This is just a fact, as your links show as well as the stories on the link that I provided. I know one survivor of mother-daughter sexual abuse who responds to “mothers don’t do that” by saying, “Well, I guess my mother did not get the memo.”

    Thank you for raising awareness on this very important topic. Some of the abuse survivors I know who struggle with the deepest pain suffered at the hands of their mothers. They need even more support, but they often do not receive it because people do not want to believe that mothers can harm their children.

    - Faith

  3. Tiffany Drake says:

    I am a former faster care child. I have aged out this year of 07. Foster care was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. When my mom left me alone at 15 years old to fend for myself i had no idea what to do.. no one wanted to help me i did things that i would never do and did not want to do. I think foster parents need to bare with these kids in foster care unless you have been in the system you have no idea what it is like. It feel’s like your whole world has crashed and crashed hard.. It feels as if no one cares and no one wants us, that is not an easy feelling to deal with..But foster care was the best thing for me at that moment and now has been there for me when i needed them most. I have ment alot of wonderful people, kids, and workers. i have also ment alot of bad and mean people.I Just wantted to tell all the foster parents that we rally do thank you guys. you guys have made a big difference in ower lifes i thank you all very much….Please dont give up on a kid that is hat everyone else has done..

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