Every foster child and even babies that I have fostered had some type of survival skills at different levels. It all depends on the type of abuse or neglect (in a lot of cases, the child suffers both) that the child suffered, along with how long she suffered. If these children had not developed these skills they would not have survived or would have been severely damaged. We all know there are children that have been so severely damaged that they never recover.

Infants and toddlers learn to eat as much as they can, when they can, since most do not eat on a regular basis. It... more

As foster parents we have to take a step back every now and then to realize that foster children for the most part have many more complex issues than other children leaving them at a disadvantage. It is easy to think that in time that a foster child that struggles with food issues will realize that there will always be food for her. The truth is that the issues that most foster children struggle with come from their lifetime of learning how to survive.

For these children it was not a choice of good or bad behaviors it is all about survival. These children have to learn... more

Cool autumn days are here with crisp autumn nights which are a nice change. In foster care, things change drastically in the autumn. Getting foster children settled back into school when school has never been an important part of their life is a huge chore. Their issues with school leads to the foster parent spending a lot of time on the phone with school officials, parent conferences, ARD meeting (special ed. meeting), etc.

In foster care, the number of foster children coming into care tends to increase during the autumn and holidays. Some foster homes may take in... more

One of the biggest struggles I have with foster care is finding psychiatrists or other mental healthcare for foster children. Finding a mental healthcare person that takes Medicaid can be a chore in it’s self. I have also learned that one psychiatrist most likely will not work with all of your foster children or they may only work with set ages. Foster parents need to be prepared for a placement that may have some mental health issues. Trying to manage finding help while a foster child or the family is having a crisis is only going to make a difficult situation that much more difficult.... more

There are children in this country that do not have the opportunity for a childhood. Most children coming into foster care have not had the luxury of a childhood. They do not know how to be a child. Sadly these children are left with adult responsibilities.

Children as young as 5 years old are left to care for their younger siblings. The older child becomes the caregiver and the provider. I fostered one child that would care of his mother when she was shooting up drugs. He was left to take the needle out of his mother’s arm, wipe off the blood and remove the tourniquet.... more

Can being a built in free daycare when the mom has to go to school or built in babysitter when she wants to go out, teach the teen mom responsibilities? Are does it give her the idea that someone is always around to take up the slack or that this is how it will be when she is on her own?

A foster parent should not be providing child care for the teen mom without the teen mom having any responsibilities for this arrangement. If the teen mom works she should be paying for the care of her baby. The amount can be $10-$20 a month for child care. It is not about the amount but the... more

Foster Parents Parenting Pregnant Teens or Teen Moms

Yes, these teen girls are still teens but with adult responsibilities that they have to learn to accept to be a parent to their children. I do understand that there is a part of us (foster parents) that see these teens as just that, and feel they need to be allowed to be teens. The teen mom has decided that she wants to parent her child. Her being and doing teen things need to come after her parenting responsibilities. This... more

Foster parenting pregnant teens can be challenging. It is left totally up to the foster parents to find their way in parenting a teen mother. Finding resources for these young teen mothers can be a nightmare. Personally I do not think the weight of all of this should fall on the foster parents but that is how the system works now.

I have been asked how to help parents, foster teen mothers. There are not across the board answers for every situation but I will try to give some thoughts and ideas in this type of foster parenting. This will be a series to address foster parents... more

Stress of Foster Care on a Marriage

Stress of Foster Care on a Marriage - Reality

I have talked about the amount of stress that foster parents deal with on a daily basis, now I want to talk about how not to let the stress take over marriage. It is so easy to get caught up in all the stress and slowly it starts to affect your life, especially your marriage. I have also talked... more

You have to care for yourself so you are able to continue caring for everyone else. For us moms, placing ourselves before others can be a difficult thing for us to do. You do not have to do major things. You can start as simple as you feel comfortable with, just as long as you are doing something for yourself.

Deciding you will not take phone calls concerning foster care one day of the week. This includes doctors, caseworkers, CASA workers, therapists, etc. I have occasionally even sent phone calls from school to my voicemail. If there is an emergency they will leave... more