The Residue of Anger

May 21st, 2012
Posted By: on Foster Care

1192051_screamThere is a lot of difficulty for children in the area of competition. This is obvious by the way that bullying is on the rise. It is intrinsic to people to want to win or be the chosen one. Foster children are the leaders of the pack in this arena. They struggle with feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. They need to control their situations and the easiest way is by winning or being on top. This, of course, can not always be and is difficult for parents to deal with because with the loss comes anger. That anger is often misdirected at the parents of the home and chaos erupts. What is a foster parent's role when dealing with a child that is… [more]

Books and Trainings

July 8th, 2011
Posted By: on Foster Care

babyinbasket-clipart-graphicsfairy007Our social worker came yesterday for our quarterly review.  I have almost completed my training hours this year -- we only lack two hours.  Nonetheless, I signed up to take the  Karyn Purvis inspired course, "Trauma-Informed Care." I am really excited about this course for one simple reason:  I think most kids who come into the foster system have experienced trauma.  In some ways, it's blindingly obvious.  We are born to parents whom we are biologically programmed to love and to depend upon.  When that bond is broken, for any reason, that in itself is trauma.  Of course they are talking about different trauma than this -- but just the act of removal would… [more]

The Choice to Love a Child

March 5th, 2011
Posted By: on Foster Care

1198058_teenagerIt seems that the older I get, the more interested I am on what makes people who they are; their unique qualities that set them apart. These qualities can be positive or negative. The positive traits that each person has often endear them to those around them. The negatives? The exact opposite. This is only natural. Yet, the foster child, having a broken base in which to stand often shows negative characteristics predominately. This in turn affects the ability of the foster parent to cherish the child. Each of the children who come through our homes is a unique being. They have personality traits that make them who they are. What does a parent do when a child that they are caring for… [more]

Are You Wondering if Your Foster Child Has ADHD?

May 17th, 2008

Are you wondering if your foster child has ADHD? Perhaps your child frequently forgets to bring homework home. Does the homework and then forgets to take it back to school. Maybe your child never takes care of anything, or acts like a scatterbrain. Do you have to repeat directions numerous times before you child finishes a task? If your child was placed in your home recently for adoption all of the changes might just be overwhelming him or her. Your foster child might have ADHD or in a few months, when things settle down, your child may act much better. If your child has been with you for a year before you notice erratic or scattered behavior has anything changed recently? Does your child have a… [more]

Survival Skills with Your Foster Children – Realization of Abuse

October 30th, 2007
Posted By: on Foster Care
Categories: Behaviors

Every foster child will deal with abuse in very different ways. Abuse overshadows so much of a child’s life that some adults probably do not realize. As adults we struggle to wrap our minds around the abuse that a child has spent his entire life living with. These children learn early that adults in their lives have the power to hurt them and do unspeakable things to them (sometimes in the name of love). These children lose so much of their innocence, being able to trust the people that are suppose to protect them. In some cases, nighttime is not for dreams; it is when the nightmare begins, their childhoods, and their right to be safe, chance of an education, friends, control over… [more]

Survival Skills with Your Foster Children – Abuse

October 24th, 2007
Posted By: on Foster Care
Categories: Behaviors

Abuse is a major component of the foster care system. The abuse that some of these suffer will be carried with them throughout their lives. While other foster children manage to work through the trauma of their abuse, some children have been so severely damaged by the abuse they endured. They may never recover, or spend their lives struggling with major issues. When I first became a foster parent, I could not understand how or even why caseworkers, therapist, etc. did not know what abuse the child suffered or to the extent of the abuse. It is common after accepting a foster placement to believe that the child has suffered more abuse than originally thought when first taken into care. Once… [more]

Survival Skills with Your Foster Children – Stealing

October 20th, 2007
Posted By: on Foster Care
Categories: Behaviors

This is something that is somewhat common in foster care. Stealing is taking anything that does not belong to you (in my opinion). I personally have dealt with this a lot in foster care. In my house in no way is stealing excused even with a foster child. If you steal anything you will face and accept the consequences in my home. Children coming into foster care can be stealing for any number of reasons. I had one teen boy that was put in the position to steal food and then in time there was not a limit to what he would steal. His biological mother started stealing things to sell to support her drug habit. His grandmother said that his mother… [more]

Survival Skills with Your Foster Children – Food

October 18th, 2007
Posted By: on Foster Care
Categories: Behaviors

Every foster child and even babies that I have fostered had some type of survival skills at different levels. It all depends on the type of abuse or neglect (in a lot of cases, the child suffers both) that the child suffered, along with how long she suffered. If these children had not developed these skills they would not have survived or would have been severely damaged. We all know there are children that have been so severely damaged that they never recover. Infants and toddlers learn to eat as much as they can, when they can, since most do not eat on a regular basis. It is not uncommon that these children do not cry, or even expect someone to meet… [more]

Understanding Foster Children’s Need for Survival Skills

October 17th, 2007
Posted By: on Foster Care
Categories: Behaviors

As foster parents we have to take a step back every now and then to realize that foster children for the most part have many more complex issues than other children leaving them at a disadvantage. It is easy to think that in time that a foster child that struggles with food issues will realize that there will always be food for her. The truth is that the issues that most foster children struggle with come from their lifetime of learning how to survive. For these children it was not a choice of good or bad behaviors it is all about survival. These children have to learn to care for themselves and their siblings anyway they have to because no one is there… [more]

Realistic Expectations for Foster Children

June 30th, 2007
Posted By: on Foster Care

Setting up realistic expectations of foster children can make them or break them. When you work with therapeutic foster care this is something you learn to understand pretty fast. These children have to feel like they can accomplish things but the reality is that that most of them cannot meet the expectations that we set for our birth children or other children. Some of these foster children have suffered so much that they struggle with their emotions, anger, how to communicate with others, depression, rage, etc. that they struggle to maintain any sort of appropriate behavior. Setting unrealistic expectations is setting the child up for failure and can lead to behaviors to continue spiraling completely out of control. Foster children have not… [more]