Parenting Challenges

One of the coolest things about the month of November is that it is National Adoption Month. I love that there is a whole month dedicated to the children who have been adopted, the parents that have adopted and the children who are waiting to be adopted. Adopted, adopted, adopted. I love to throw that word around. And this November that is exactly what we all should be doing. There is no better way to let people know about the need prevalent in foster care than to tell about your own experience with fostering and adoption. There is a lot of fear around these two actions. It is not unfounded. Adoption from foster care brings many unknowns into a home. Yet, there are… [more]

As I sit here thinking this morning, I cannot help but bring focus on the huge need for foster parents today. There are so many children in need of solid, stable homes and so few prepared to stand in this gap. It takes a lot of dedication, sacrifice and strength to place yourself in a situation that will be trying. If you know that it will be difficult going into it, healthy fear sets in. I use the word healthy before fear because it is accurate. There is not service to be found in walking into a foster care situation without the ability to handle it. An honest look at fostering, from someone who has done it, will show that their are daily… [more]

I have found that I do not play well with others. This may come as a surprise to some of you who know me. I appear to be the one who has the world by the tail. That is true- to a point. I do enjoy life and the people that I am walking with every day. I see no other way to live. Yet, there are hard times. Life is tricky. It is difficult to maneuver. The children in my home can wear me out. They are a constant drain on my emotions. I work harder keeping this family afloat then I have ever worked at anything. That is why I do not play well with others. When I get time… [more]

That is the question that I am mulling over currently as I look to the new school year. I have one child that has not 'got it' educationally. She doesn't read yet. She doesn't write well. Her math skills are mediocre. So, do I put her to work on an I Pad? I just don't know. Most of the kids that come out of foster care have been surrounded by the television and other screens. This is not always the case but often. The I Pad has a lot to offer. The technology is great but my concern is that unless I 'unplug' her- she won't get it. I realize that I could potentially be sparking a huge debate here. I am not… [more]

There is a lot of difficulty for children in the area of competition. This is obvious by the way that bullying is on the rise. It is intrinsic to people to want to win or be the chosen one. Foster children are the leaders of the pack in this arena. They struggle with feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. They need to control their situations and the easiest way is by winning or being on top. This, of course, can not always be and is difficult for parents to deal with because with the loss comes anger. That anger is often misdirected at the parents of the home and chaos erupts. What is a foster parent's role when dealing with a child that is… [more]

Sometimes it is hard to keep my focus amidst all of the things that I must do in a day. I have to constantly remind myself to stay on task and finish what I start before I move on to the next pressing matter. I am sure that many of you have felt that way. The constant need to keep all of the people in your family cared for- the desire to meet needs for everyone under your 'watch.' Taking care of your family has to start with taking care of yourself. I do not do well in this area. I voluntarily work while everyone else is sitting or resting. I use that time to catch up on things that I have neglected… [more]

Today, I have been thinking about the mass number of foster children I have routine contact with and wonder how in the world things have gotten to this point. It seems that in my area, the need for foster parents grows on a daily basis and the suitable homes are overflowing with kids. This is not a good thing. I worry about a world that has so many kids in need of rescuing. The good news is that there are many people stepping up to the plate. They want to make a difference in a child's life and are willing to invest themselves in the greater good. I love that. I heard a quote recently that put everything in perspective for me. It… [more]

One of the most traumatic things for a child to experience is the loss of a parent whether through divorce or death. This is magnified for the foster child who has a history of this type in their past. Yet, life happens. Sometimes marriages break up and people get hurt. Sometimes loved ones are lost. How does a foster parent keep going after that loss has occurred? Should they even try? I do not think that there is an easy answer to this question because there are so many factors to consider. First, how long has the child been with your family? Are you headed for adoption? Can you handle the emotional stress that is occurring and continue to offer a proper and… [more]

I am sitting in the waiting room looking around at the many people coming in and out of the area. This is a busy place this morning. The reason I am here, I talk about in my personal blog but suffice it to say, "I have a child in surgery." Sitting here has offered me time to think about the foster parents who voluntarily take children who have medical needs and sign up for a lifestyle of hospitals and doctor offices. I guarantee, this is not for the faint of heart. Yet, there are many children who need that person to step in and take over the role of mother/father AND advocate AND semi-medical professional. My middle son fell in that category. At… [more]

Have you ever noticed that some children have very tired eyes? I have and I always wonder what is going on in their lives that makes those little eyes so very sad and worn. I am a people watcher- it is my curse. I watch young people, older folks and kids- all of the time. I thrive on detail and enjoy gathering the 'intel' that comes with simply observing those around me. Freaks you out a little, huh? No, I am not currently watching you! Really though, I have noticed that many foster children have the most void look on their faces and through their eyes. I am not certain if it is a direct result of the trauma of disruption that they… [more]