First and foremost foster parents are just caring for children in a tragic situation when they are placed in the foster home. We do not go searching for children to parent. Where would the foster children be without the foster parents and homes? They would be living in shelters and orphanages and I have heard horror stories from foster children that have spent time in shelters. There are some foster children that are in care that are sexual predators, some are very violent and care about no one but themselves. A number of foster children are in and out of juvenile... more

For some this can seem like a silly question, but the truth is that people have different views on this. For the foster parents it is a natural thing to bond and build a relationship with their foster children. It is natural to feel a deeper bond with some foster children than others.

A few caseworkers are concerned or do not want bonds to develop between the foster parents and children. I personally have dealt with one such caseworker. She viewed foster parenting as baby sitting which it is far from that. I do not believe foster children should be forced or pushed into bonding, or having a relationship with their foster parents.

It is natural for foster children to want... more

Below you will get a few ideas on bonding activities with your foster children. The activities do not need to be time consuming. They should be non-threatening for the children.

You are working towards your foster child feeling comfortable talking to you and giving her a positive experience of a family togetherness. You may not see a sudden change with her. The changes tend to be gradual.

Do not choose things that your foster child does not enjoy doing. This can be more negative than positive. You want this to be a positive experience allowing you to connect with her.

Reading books together can bring closeness and allow some bonding. Even elementary children... more

When children are not cared for and their needs are not met, it causes them not to trust people. You have to trust people to bond with them. Every child can have different degrees of bonding or attachment issues. When a child has major attachment issues she can be labeled Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Some children struggle with this their entire life. This disorder affects the entire family.

We had fostered a toddler that spent her life in a crib to the point of having a flat head. When she was fed, the bottles were propped up in the crib. Having her diaper... more

Children that come into foster care have lacked having an adult interact with them. When foster children are placed into a foster family where there will be a lot of interaction with adults, it can be very scary for them.

These children do not know what it is like to sit down and have a family dinner alone every night. Getting up and going to school for them may have been a choice, and now they have a foster parent take them to school daily. Family outings, game night, church, and all the other family things can be a lot of foster children to adjust to. It can be very overwhelming for children to be thrown into a family life that they have never experienced before. Bonding... more

When children come into foster care, many times siblings will be separated for any number of reasons. This can be a very hard thing for children to deal with, since they are already losing the connection to everything that they know. It is very important for the siblings to feel connected and remain in contact with each other. Foster parents are the key to helping their child maintain this bond.

Below are ways to help your foster child with his or her sibling relationships.

Providing a sibling visit at least once a month is the foundation of continuing their relationship. Do not have it at the same place each time. A local park, museums (some can even be free of charge),... more

A week long camp named Camp to Belong has a goal unify siblings separated by adoption placement, relative care, or foster home placements. Siblings come together to share their lives, make new lasting memories and continue their lifetime bond of being siblings. They get to experience new things together such as horseback riding, rafting, swimming, wall climbing and camping out. What a wonderful way for siblings to be able to come together and reconnect even if it is just a short time. The camp also has therapy -like classes to help the children to learn to cope with being separated and a Therapeutic Art Program.

For older children... more

We all know siblings share an incredible bond and a special relationship. When a sibling group comes into the foster care system, that connection can be a huge security for them. A child that is losing what family they may have had before coming into care will need to have the important connection with his or her siblings.

There may be cases that siblings cannot be placed together for any number of reasons but the sibling relationship should remain intact. Sadly it is out of the foster child’s control if or when he or she will have contact with his or her siblings. Maintaining a relationship between siblings may not be on the top of the list for the caseworkers. So, the foster parents... more

Another difficult case in foster care and the reality of siblings getting adopted involved four brothers. Each boy had his own difficulties with different degrees of mental retardation, and severe behavior problems with violence, aggression, autism, speech impairment, and so many more issues. All the boys were in a therapeutic foster home, two separate homes, three boys were moderate care and one boy was specialized care. The boys had not lived together since the youngest boy was born (boy’s ages: 3, 4, 6, 7) because the older boys were harming the younger ones. The goal was to reunite these brothers in an adoption placement. There were some people involved that had great concerns with placing... more

Most of the children in foster care have at least one sibling and a lot of siblings are not placed together. There are legitimate reasons for why some siblings cannot be placed together. Safety for both children can be an issue. There are cases that children do abuse each other, and the only choice is to separate them. The reality is that some sibling relationships cannot be a normal loving sibling bond. Usually the foster home already has foster children living there, so foster homes may not have the openings for a large sibling group. It is also easier to find placements quicker in emergency placements when they are looking for a smaller sibling group or individuals. The system can only... more