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Telling my family sends everyone into panic and some tears were shed. I proposed the option of taking the boys with us......(I did not even get to finish my whole thought) My husband and my oldest daughter are protesting quite loudly and seemed to be very hostile. Yes, apparently my husband decided I had gone totally crazy and my daughter said “I am staying home” while crying uncontrollably. We had two choices: cancel (losing our monies paid) or make this work. Understand my family was not overreacting, this was the 2 and 3 year olds’ ninth placement (very difficult children). I then threw out my idea to this problem. We could find a daycare for the boys to attend... more

We had not taken a family vacation in a really long time. We had adopted our two little ones and wanted time to bond as a family and to celebrate. So we planned a trip to the coast for a week during the week of July the Fourth. We had our three children Allie 11 years old, Beth 2 years, old, and Lynn 3 years old.

We also had two foster children at the time JJ 3 years old (autistic) and Red (PDD) 2 years. One boy was moderate therapeutic and the other one was specialized. They were quite the hand full to say the least. We had planned on placing them in respite for the week. We do not place our foster children in respite during holidays or other events. We did feel that our family... more

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My younger daughter bonded with the little boy we called Red. He was 3 years old foster child (they were the same age) and he was with us for over a year. She walked Red to our caseworker’s car and then started crying as they pulled out, “ Where are you taking my Red. Bring him back, he is my friend.” I had to carry her into the house while she cried, “Where is she taking my Red (over and over).” This has been the hardest loss for her, but by the next day she was talking about Red calmly. To this day she still talks about Red and will tell everyone about him. My husband cried only when we lost our drug baby that we received at two days old right from the hospital.... more

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Once I allowed myself to grieve Tim’s loss by having a good cry, it was so much easier. Yes, there was pain but I finally allowed myself to feel it freely. Your heart will hurt for a while and then you get a call for another child that needs you so desperately. The moral to this long story is allow yourself and your family to grieve and to feel the loss of the child. This will allow you to heal and move on to continue your cycle of love.

There will be things that will help you deal with the grief and every body will have different ways to deal with their grief. I may have a good cry by myself in my bed, take a long candlelight bubble bath, read... more

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The next morning his new caseworker (one Tim had ever been with) came to pick him up. I am feeling “so so” now. He picked up Tim to put him in the baby carrier, he started crying and squirming. The caseworker wants to know what is wrong with him. I explained that Tim was scared and uneasy. He asked me to put him in the carrier. As soon as he was in my arms, I start talking to him explaining what is happening, he calmed down. I was telling him. “You are going to grandma’s to live with your sister”. They love you and will take care of you. “You have to be a good boy like you have been for mommy (meaning me). I am crying while talking to Tim but not too... more

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Our family talked about it and prayed, I called my agency on Friday around 4:30 P.M., accepted the placement which would take place on Monday late afternoon (glad to have the weekend to prepare emotionally for getting back on the horse after you taking a big spill, so to speak). Our caseworker called to say that the little ones would be at our house in about a hour and a half because they had been living in an emergency shelter for over 30 days, so they had to be moved that evening. I was stunned with how fast this is happening, I started the morning with the intent to foster school age children. Oh, how a few hours and the word “YES” can change your world.... more

I do get asked so often how do we let go of the children, why do if keep going on, etc..So I will try and explain why and how we cope.

I have read in books (written by people that were not a foster parent) explaining it as “As painful as removing a band aid from a cut.” I promise that is what was said when I read a book about raising foster children. I have heard the loss of a foster child explained as, you do not get attached when you know they will be going back, etc.. I will be truthful about your, your spouse and your children feelings and how other families deal with the pain of letting go when the time comes. You may have very different feelings with your foster children... more

When we get a placement, we leave it up to each child what they will call us. We introduce ourselves by using our first names. After that, it is up the child what to call us (I guess within reason-no foul language). Every child that has came through our home has called us Mom and Dad. Yes, I know people have very different opinions about this. When we first get a placement, and they choose to call us Mom and Dad, I always receive questions concerning this from friends, family, acquaintances and others. Ex: How does that make my children feel? Isn’t that confusing for the child? Is that unhealthy for the child? How is that child going to feel when they have to leave you? How does that... more