Any age foster child can have sleeping issues. Some foster children have night terrors or nightmares because of the abuse they share. Night terrors can be a very scary experience for the child and for the foster parent that may not have knowledge of them. The child wakes up screaming or crying, they also can be hitting or fighting against you trying to comfort them. It is like they are experiencing the abuse all over again. Some children relive the abuse in the nightmares, so they may not want to sleep.

For some foster children when it is nighttime, in the darkness the horror of their abuse comes out. Some sexual abusers wait for the darkness to go lurking in the child’s bedroom... more

As I explained in the post about bath time nightmares for foster children, toilet training difficulties and other toilet issues can happen for the same reason. The abuse that these children have suffered does impact this part of their childhood and developmental progress.

This can also be a way for children and even toddlers to have control. These children have lost control and have no control over any part of their lives. They have been removed from their homes, parents, families, belongings, schools and then placed in a total strangers house. A lot of these children had a lot of control in their home because of their living circumstances and lack of parenting. This can be a huge... more

For children that have been abused and in foster care, bath time can become a nightmare for a foster parent. The bathroom has been the place of the abuse that some foster children have lived through.

In the eyes of a foster child that has suffered abuse in the bathroom, it is no longer a safe place for a child to take a bath or go to the restroom. This can be a challenge that a foster parent face rather quickly. I have seen children that were afraid of what might happen in the bathroom to the children that would go berserk in there. We probably cannot even begin to imagine what some of these children suffered in there own bathrooms.

I have tried different things to help... more

We had a foster daughter nine years old that we had less than a week when her caseworker called me with devastating news. This was the one time I did not feel comfortable shattering this child’s world. We only had her a few days and our relationship was pretty up in the air. I told the caseworker that she needed to be the one to talk with this child. She refused saying that she had not even met the child and that she at least knew me. The other option the caseworker had was the child would come to her visit and walk right into the chaos. I just needed to let the caseworker know what I decided to do.

The thought of shattering a child’s whole world and her questioning her own existence... more

One difficult part of foster parenting is telling your foster children devastating and life changing news. I have been told by others that this is not my job that it should come from the caseworker or CASA worker. The reasoning behind this thought is that you as the foster mom will be “the bad guy”. This way they will not be mad at you and you can be the one that provides comfort.

In the beginning, I thought that made sense and would be helpful. After gaining some experience, you learn the reality of it. Some caseworkers do not want to be the bearer of bad news, so it is left up to the foster parents to handle. In time I realized that was not a bad thing.

Is it easier to hear... more

Moving while you have foster children can be a struggle. Below, you will learn what you may need to do before, or after you move. Some of these things may not apply to your move or with your agency.

You will need to give the foster care agency that you work with, and the caseworkers for your foster children a minimum of 30 days notice of your move. The biological parents may also be made aware of your move, but they should not know where unless you want them to know. You will be given permission to move with your foster children, or they may want to find a new placement for them.

If you have foster children that will not be making the move with your family, you need to talk... more

People seem surprised that we moved while doing foster care. Other foster parents have stated they did not know you could move while you had foster children in your home.

Your family can move any place within your state and continue doing foster care. Where you move can have an impact on whether your foster children will remain in your home. There will be a number of things and areas that you will need to address in the process of your move that I will be covering.

Moving within the same town or city with your foster children can be a headache but manageable. The school district will transfer the foster children's folder to their new school. Your agency should not change,... more

When your foster child kicks a hole in your wall, writes on your new furniture or finds other ways to destroy your property, you are learning some serious patience. Every area of foster care will let you practice using your patience.

Your foster daughter uses a whole package of baby wipes cleaning the floor or uses a couple of dozen diapers on her baby dolls, changing them repeatedly. Deciding to look at the positive points instead of the negative is a life saver. The floor is now cleaner than before and your foster daughter is learning from you since she does know how to change a diaper after watching you change them several times daily. You will learn to laugh because if you do... more

Can you be a foster parent and work fulltime? This seems to be a common question of people. The answer would depend on the individual person and how they cope with things. I personally did work fulltime when we started foster care for about a year. It is not easy but it can be done. Yes, you have to juggle things a lot and realize that things can be done maybe not always perfect. There will be days that you may feel totally overwhelmed but it will past as fast as it came. The important thing is that you are committed for the right reasons and becoming a foster parent to you is important. There will be hurdles that you will have to overcome because you are working, taking off work, coming... more

I wrote an article about foster children’s therapies. Early Childhood Intervention is a program that deals with all the therapies that I’ve discussed. Talk with your foster child’s doctor about any areas that you are concerned about and they can put you in touch with the agency in your area.

I liked the therapy for a few reasons, it was in my home, they worked with you as the parent to give you skills to help the child cope with their behaviors, it was a more relaxed setting which leads you to be more open (at least it did for me). I did not like every therapist I had, but I would... more