Every foster child will deal with abuse in very different ways. Abuse overshadows so much of a child’s life that some adults probably do not realize. As adults we struggle to wrap our minds around the abuse that a child has spent his entire life living with. These children learn early that adults in their lives have the power to hurt them and do unspeakable things to them (sometimes in the name of love).

These children lose so much of their innocence, being able to trust the people that are suppose to protect them. In some cases, nighttime is not for dreams; it is when the... more

Abuse is a major component of the foster care system. The abuse that some of these suffer will be carried with them throughout their lives. While other foster children manage to work through the trauma of their abuse, some children have been so severely damaged by the abuse they endured. They may never recover, or spend their lives struggling with major issues.

When I first became a foster parent, I could not understand how or even why caseworkers, therapist, etc. did not know what abuse the child suffered or to the extent of the abuse. It is common after accepting a foster... more

This is something that is somewhat common in foster care. Stealing is taking anything that does not belong to you (in my opinion). I personally have dealt with this a lot in foster care. In my house in no way is stealing excused even with a foster child. If you steal anything you will face and accept the consequences in my home.

Children coming into foster care can be stealing for any number of reasons. I had one teen boy that was put in the position to steal food and then in time there was not a limit to what he would steal. His biological mother started stealing things to... more

Every foster child and even babies that I have fostered had some type of survival skills at different levels. It all depends on the type of abuse or neglect (in a lot of cases, the child suffers both) that the child suffered, along with how long she suffered. If these children had not developed these skills they would not have survived or would have been severely damaged. We all know there are children that have been so severely damaged that they never recover.

Infants and toddlers learn to eat as much as they can, when they can, since most do not eat on a regular basis. It... more

As foster parents we have to take a step back every now and then to realize that foster children for the most part have many more complex issues than other children leaving them at a disadvantage. It is easy to think that in time that a foster child that struggles with food issues will realize that there will always be food for her. The truth is that the issues that most foster children struggle with come from their lifetime of learning how to survive.

For these children it was not a choice of good or bad behaviors it is all about survival. These children have to learn... more

Setting up realistic expectations of foster children can make them or break them. When you work with therapeutic foster care this is something you learn to understand pretty fast. These children have to feel like they can accomplish things but the reality is that that most of them cannot meet the expectations that we set for our birth children or other children.

Some of these foster children have suffered so much that they struggle with their emotions, anger, how to communicate with others, depression, rage, etc. that they struggle to maintain any sort of appropriate behavior. Setting unrealistic expectations is setting the child up for failure and can lead to behaviors to continue... more

As I explained in the post about bath time nightmares for foster children, toilet training difficulties and other toilet issues can happen for the same reason. The abuse that these children have suffered does impact this part of their childhood and developmental progress.

This can also be a way for children and even toddlers to have control. These children have lost control and have no control over any part of their lives. They have been removed from their homes, parents, families, belongings, schools and then placed in a total strangers house. A lot of these children had a lot of control in their home because of their living circumstances and lack of parenting. This can be a huge... more

We have used alarms with our foster children to ensure the safety of others and to be able to sleep at night. I have been known to use a handful in one room for one child. Some can and will try to find a way around them, so if you have more than a couple one will sound. You cannot be too careful with your own children in possible harm's way. I also place two alarms on my own children’s bedroom door to ensure that at night no one could harm them.

I woke up one night (because I felt someone in our bedroom) low and behold there was our son (That we later learned was schizophrenic and homicidal) standing at the end of my side of the bed. As you can imagine, I was a little freaked out... more

When most children sexually act out most likely they are acting out what has been done to them. Adults may have told them this behavior is normal to do with adults or other children. Some children view it as a way to show they like you because that is what they have been told.

It is not uncommon to see younger children (three and under) acting sexually towards other children and even to adults. They think that is what adults want from them. This is a time that disciplining is not appropriate. We have to teach them right from wrong touching.

A child petting another child or an adult needs to be addressed, this is how their predator lead up to the sexual act itself. So,... more

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Four times as many girls as boys self-harm up to age 16. A study conducted in 2002 found that one out of every 200 teen girls regularly self-harm themselves.

These children are dealing with pain that they feel that they are unable to deal with and by self-harming releases some of the pain. The pain never goes away, so they feel the need to self–harm when the pain feels overwhelming to them. These children feel like they are unable to express or verbalize the inner turmoil that they are feeling. These children are feeling... more