We have used alarms with our foster children to ensure the safety of others and to be able to sleep at night. I have been known to use a handful in one room for one child. Some can and will try to find a way around them, so if you have more than a couple one will sound. You cannot be too careful with your own children in possible harm's way. I also place two alarms on my own children’s bedroom door to ensure that at night no one could harm them.

I woke up one night (because I felt someone in our bedroom) low and behold there was our son (That we later learned was schizophrenic and homicidal) standing at the end of my side of the bed. As you can imagine, I was a little freaked out... more

I never thought such about this before until a caseworker was explaining my foster parenting style to a group of new foster parents. I thought everyone parented in their own way not a style. I was dumbfounded as I was listening to someone explain my foster parenting style, but I did ended up with some new knowledge.

As I set listening my foster parenting style was described as this: Lanette is a foster parent that you could call for any placement and she can handle what happens. She has one of the most structured home that I have been in, which children with major behavior problems do better in. She is not afraid of them and gets right back in their face. She is very firm, things... more

We had a foster daughter nine years old that we had less than a week when her caseworker called me with devastating news. This was the one time I did not feel comfortable shattering this child’s world. We only had her a few days and our relationship was pretty up in the air. I told the caseworker that she needed to be the one to talk with this child. She refused saying that she had not even met the child and that she at least knew me. The other option the caseworker had was the child would come to her visit and walk right into the chaos. I just needed to let the caseworker know what I decided to do.

The thought of shattering a child’s whole world and her questioning her own existence... more

One difficult part of foster parenting is telling your foster children devastating and life changing news. I have been told by others that this is not my job that it should come from the caseworker or CASA worker. The reasoning behind this thought is that you as the foster mom will be “the bad guy”. This way they will not be mad at you and you can be the one that provides comfort.

In the beginning, I thought that made sense and would be helpful. After gaining some experience, you learn the reality of it. Some caseworkers do not want to be the bearer of bad news, so it is left up to the foster parents to handle. In time I realized that was not a bad thing.

Is it easier to hear... more

Moving while you have foster children can be a struggle. Below, you will learn what you may need to do before, or after you move. Some of these things may not apply to your move or with your agency.

You will need to give the foster care agency that you work with, and the caseworkers for your foster children a minimum of 30 days notice of your move. The biological parents may also be made aware of your move, but they should not know where unless you want them to know. You will be given permission to move with your foster children, or they may want to find a new placement for them.

If you have foster children that will not be making the move with your family, you need to talk... more

People seem surprised that we moved while doing foster care. Other foster parents have stated they did not know you could move while you had foster children in your home.

Your family can move any place within your state and continue doing foster care. Where you move can have an impact on whether your foster children will remain in your home. There will be a number of things and areas that you will need to address in the process of your move that I will be covering.

Moving within the same town or city with your foster children can be a headache but manageable. The school district will transfer the foster children's folder to their new school. Your agency should not change,... more

The year can bring different foster children with some many different needs for a foster mom to care for and love. A foster mom steps up to parent the children that have been abused, neglected by their biological families and forgotten by society. She endures the hatred, anger and aggression that may come from a foster child, because she is the one in the maternal role. She did not cause the pain the foster child is dealing with, but she is the one dealing with the effects.

If the time should come when foster children learn they will not be returning home and that they will be placed up for adoption, it is the foster mom who is there. She will be the one to hold and love the crying... more

This can provide foster children with so much information about their lives while in foster care. I do not think a lot of people think about how important this is for the children that come into our lives. Sometimes these children are with us a few days, months or even years. While they are with a foster family, they are making memories. Mile stones are happening, and lives are going on. Even if they are older, children they may forget when something happened or where they were living when it took place.

You have to remember a large number of foster children will have multiple foster family placements. Sometimes two or three a year, so you can imagine how events can become lost... more

Dealing with a foster child that has abused a member of your family can be difficult and on top of that, trying to find the help for your foster child. Sometimes the help that the mentally ill needs ends up being long term treatment. This can be hard reality for everyone to come to terms with and understand.

The foster parents called their agency to explain what had happened, they were concerned that they would be unable find respite care of the boy on Christmas Eve. The foster mother explained that they would have Christmas with their foster son and would need placement the day after. Another safety plan was put in place to protect their daughter, their foster son was not allowed... more

A foster family finding their way through their grief, broken hearts and trying to understand how a child they loved could want to harm them. Facing the hard truths and facts of abuse as a family and trying to make sense of what has happened. Learning how mental illness affects the entire family.

The thoughts are racing through their heads. Their greatest fear was what they allowed to happen to their daughter and would she have long term damage. Their daughter still wanted to go out to eat for the traditional Christmas Eve dinner, so they decided to go along with their plans. During the ride in the car, the mother was struggling to understand how a child that she loved would want... more