Setting up realistic expectations of foster children can make them or break them. When you work with therapeutic foster care this is something you learn to understand pretty fast. These children have to feel like they can accomplish things but the reality is that that most of them cannot meet the expectations that we set for our birth children or other children.

Some of these foster children have suffered so much that they struggle with their emotions, anger, how to communicate with others, depression, rage, etc. that they struggle to maintain any sort of appropriate behavior. Setting unrealistic expectations is setting the child up for failure and can lead to behaviors to continue... more

Since foster parents can be viewed as employees of the state does the public (including the biological parents) have the right to our names, address and other information? This has been some of the talk since the problems with the Ohio foster care system. Does this open a whole new can of worms so to speak?

Some foster parents have done horrible things to the foster children in their care and some have even died, which should not happen. I cannot see how making foster parent's information public would be able to stop tragedies in foster care.

The truth is... more

Any age foster child can have sleeping issues. Some foster children have night terrors or nightmares because of the abuse they share. Night terrors can be a very scary experience for the child and for the foster parent that may not have knowledge of them. The child wakes up screaming or crying, they also can be hitting or fighting against you trying to comfort them. It is like they are experiencing the abuse all over again. Some children relive the abuse in the nightmares, so they may not want to sleep.

For some foster children when it is nighttime, in the darkness the horror of their abuse comes out. Some sexual abusers wait for the darkness to go lurking in the child’s bedroom... more

Termination of parental rights (TPR) is where the parents involuntarily lose their parental rights. This is something that does not happen overnight. The parents (in most areas) are given around a year to work their service plan to regain custody of their children. If the parents are “somewhat” working their plan they can been given extensions.

If the parents are not working the plan then a TPR trial will be scheduled. Some courts and states go with mediation before the TPR court date. It can be a benefit in a number of ways, it can save a lengthy and costly trial, and it can also allow the birth parents... more

Why does it seem so odd to someone that single fathers can be great foster dads just as well as single mothers? There are men in this world that truly want to be fathers, even single ones, and make wonderful dads.

In Boston, Paul a single foster dad has become the dad to children that have fallen between the cracks and have been pushed away by other foster parents. He takes older children and only long term placements. He wants the children to have a sense of home and a place that they can return too.

He loads up his foster children and takes off for family summer adventures. (Yeah!!!) This... more

Most foster parents understand that medication is not an answer to the foster children's problems or behaviors. The truth is that you cannot begin to address or even have the children start to process their past abuse and neglect until they have some sort of control of their behaviors.

When I started foster care, I was very opposed to giving a child medication to sleep. A one year old baby girl was placed with us that was a drug baby, born addicted. She lived her first year in a crib moving from one hotel to another one without contact or being held. She had major problems and behaviors including not sleeping. She might nap for maybe two hours in a twenty four hour period. She had... more

This topic can put people on the opposite sides of the fences quickly. Over time and with experience, I have changed my mind on this subject. There is great concern on how many foster children are taking psychotropic drugs and other medications. There is not a clear cut and simple right or wrong answer to this concern.

First, I do understand there are foster children on medications that probably do not need them. Not every foster child needs medications. I have dealt with quite a few foster children without medications.

The numbers of foster children that are taking psychotropic... more

As I explained in the post about bath time nightmares for foster children, toilet training difficulties and other toilet issues can happen for the same reason. The abuse that these children have suffered does impact this part of their childhood and developmental progress.

This can also be a way for children and even toddlers to have control. These children have lost control and have no control over any part of their lives. They have been removed from their homes, parents, families, belongings, schools and then placed in a total strangers house. A lot of these children had a lot of control in their home because of their living circumstances and lack of parenting. This can be a huge... more

For children that have been abused and in foster care, bath time can become a nightmare for a foster parent. The bathroom has been the place of the abuse that some foster children have lived through.

In the eyes of a foster child that has suffered abuse in the bathroom, it is no longer a safe place for a child to take a bath or go to the restroom. This can be a challenge that a foster parent face rather quickly. I have seen children that were afraid of what might happen in the bathroom to the children that would go berserk in there. We probably cannot even begin to imagine what some of these children suffered in there own bathrooms.

I have tried different things to help... more

We have used alarms with our foster children to ensure the safety of others and to be able to sleep at night. I have been known to use a handful in one room for one child. Some can and will try to find a way around them, so if you have more than a couple one will sound. You cannot be too careful with your own children in possible harm's way. I also place two alarms on my own children’s bedroom door to ensure that at night no one could harm them.

I woke up one night (because I felt someone in our bedroom) low and behold there was our son (That we later learned was schizophrenic and homicidal) standing at the end of my side of the bed. As you can imagine, I was a little freaked out... more