Christina, as an infant along with her sister was given to her abusive biological father to parent after her biological mother decided that being a mother was something she did not want. When she was in fifth grade she finally told a teacher that she was scared to go home because she thought her father would kill her.

At that point, she and her sister were placed into foster care where they were then placed with her paternal grandmother. Sadly, their biological father... more

Coming off the holiday highs can be especially hard for foster children. While they are feeling the same letdowns as the rest of us, and then add all the emotions that come along with foster care, it can be very overwhelming.

Foster children can be feeling a lot of guilt during this time. They are still thinking of their biological family, and during the holidays, probably more so. Some children feel guilty because they know that things are rough back with their biological families and a lot do not have the Christmas like they are experiencing in foster care.... more

I have posted about foster children being placed in shelters during the holidays. I would like to share with you a story of two little ones that this happened to. This happens because a lot of foster parents do not take foster placements during the holidays.

A two year old little boy and a baby girl, sibling group, fixing to turn one in a couple of days (which was also a little over a week before Christmas), were placed into foster care. In this case, it was... more

When I became a foster parent I was surprised to get a phone call before the holiday season started inquiring whether I would take placement during the holidays. I kind of thought it was a silly question and it completely blew my mind. My question was, “Where do the foster children go when foster parents do not accept placements during the holidays?”

With my agency you have to sign up to continue taking placements during the holidays and you can be specific (ex: Thanksgiving only, no placements a week before or after Christmas, etc). I was very surprised to learn... more

Older foster teens or foster children that have aged out of the system have a difficult time during the holidays. Some children are left without families to go home to and traditions for the holidays. While some former foster children do reunite with their birth families once they age out of the foster care system most do not have anyone to reunite with for any number of reasons.

A college girl that was once a foster child talks about her lonely times during the holidays. ... more

Planning Christmas Celebrations outside the Home - Behaviors

When you are celebrating the holidays with family and friends including exchanging gifts with each other, how your foster children with fit in will arise. I have talked about why it is so important to include your foster children and what responsibility may fall upon your shoulders. I also have talked... more

Planning Christmas Celebrations outside the Home - Behaviors

The second concern with your foster children when celebrating the holidays with family and friends is gifts. When everyone exchanges gifts and your foster children are left out, this bothers them. Why wouldn't it? To have to sit and watch other children and adults unwrap gifts sends home the message that they are not part of the family.

This does only more damage to a child causing them to withdraw more into themselves. We are suppose to be helping these children and teaching them that they do matter. So, as the foster... more

Christmas celebrations outside the home can take some extra planning and fore thought when foster children are involved. Some of these issues may also come up when family or friends are also visiting your home for the holidays.

Mainly for two reasons: The first one being, any problems with the foster child, or behaviors that may pop up during the Christmas celebration. Granted you do not need to get into all the details but it is helpful to prepare family or friends with an idea of behaviors that could appear. Secondly, this can be the time when you can... more

I do think it is very important for these children not to feel guilty about what they are experiencing, and that they are having a nice Christmas. A lot of the time, there is quite a bit on the foster parent’s hands and we are left to react to how the child is made to feel after going on biological family visits. I have found that in some cases granted, not all that we as foster parents can do things that can help ease the feelings the biological family may be having to some point by including them with the children’s holidays.

When we do our holiday traditions, I try... more

Even though Christmas time can be a difficult time for foster children they still want to included and become part of things. They will have times that they feel guilty for having a good time and enjoying Christmas because they know that is not the case for the biological parents. I have found that they talk more about their lives, home, biological parents and things that happened during the holidays.

Including a foster child during the holidays can be more than decorating the Christmas and baking cookies, while these things are great starting points, it is just the beginning.... more