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The next morning his new caseworker (one Tim had ever been with) came to pick him up. I am feeling “so so” now. He picked up Tim to put him in the baby carrier, he started crying and squirming. The caseworker wants to know what is wrong with him. I explained that Tim was scared and uneasy. He asked me to put him in the carrier. As soon as he was in my arms, I start talking to him explaining what is happening, he calmed down. I was telling him. “You are going to grandma’s to live with your sister”. They love you and will take care of you. “You have to be a good boy like you have been for mommy (meaning me). I am crying while talking to Tim but not too... more

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Our family talked about it and prayed, I called my agency on Friday around 4:30 P.M., accepted the placement which would take place on Monday late afternoon (glad to have the weekend to prepare emotionally for getting back on the horse after you taking a big spill, so to speak). Our caseworker called to say that the little ones would be at our house in about a hour and a half because they had been living in an emergency shelter for over 30 days, so they had to be moved that evening. I was stunned with how fast this is happening, I started the morning with the intent to foster school age children. Oh, how a few hours and the word “YES” can change your world.... more

I do get asked so often how do we let go of the children, why do if keep going on, etc..So I will try and explain why and how we cope.

I have read in books (written by people that were not a foster parent) explaining it as “As painful as removing a band aid from a cut.” I promise that is what was said when I read a book about raising foster children. I have heard the loss of a foster child explained as, you do not get attached when you know they will be going back, etc.. I will be truthful about your, your spouse and your children feelings and how other families deal with the pain of letting go when the time comes. You may have very different feelings with your foster children... more

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Not all children will react this way. You will have to find things that will work for your children. I had one foster daughter after visits, she wanted to sit and talk with me alone without the other children. She was the only one I had this way. She wanted love, nurturing, cuddling time after her visit.

I have learned to give the child time to their self without having them doing the typical child stuff homework, bath, chores, etc.. Allowing the child to come out when they are ready is what seemed to work. Let the teacher know what is going on, meaning that on Tuesdays, Johnny has visits with his bio family, this is very difficult for him. After his visit... more

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I started having my children including foster children in my bedroom playing games, watching a movie, etc. when it was time for her to get home. This would work for the most part, because children are not allowed in my bedroom without permission (what ever reason she followed that rule). Granted she was still hostile towards me, calling me names (I am a big girl and can handle it. It really bothered my other children to see her treat me this way and call me names.) I would let her vent at me, I didn’t respond much. She would ask, “Do you hear me?” I would respond, “I am sorry you are having a bad day. I will sit and listen to you if you stop screaming and calling me... more

This is a difficult area for everyone. I wrote another article about the bio visits. I do understand that there may be children that do not have problems with their bio visits but for the most part foster children really struggle with this.

Some child get tense, moody, agitated, etc. the day before the visit, the day or the visit and the will also have issues after the visits. You will be able to pick up fairly quickly what is going on with your foster children and try to things or ways to less the stress. I found out really quickly that things seem to escalate soon after a visit, and I found myself doing more restraints at this time. I learned that a child may need to vent after... more

At times you will feel that you have a revolving door at your home and you feel that there is a caseworker lurking around your house. This can be very difficult for your family but it is part of foster parenting. My huge problem is that when the CPS caseworker does visit the child it will be the last day of the month and they may give you a few hours notice. This for me is difficult, I never seem to be home for many long periods of time (with each additional child this is a little harder).

I had a CPS caseworker call me October 31 and wanted to do a visit that afternoon (this was the first time to deal with this particular caseworker). I did explain that it was Halloween, which meant... more

I had wondered why I had connected in some way to this mother. I felt something that I had not with other bio mothers. I truly wanted this mother to change her life for her daughter, love her enough to do that. I am not saying that I wanted my other foster children mothers to fail. This was just so different. I felt that I was looking into what could have been. I will try and explain. I was adopted as a baby with my half sister. CPS was going to remove me after I was born due a lot of reasons. My bio mother was involved with drugs, men, alcoholic, and no telling what else. People were doing drugs, etc in the house that her children lived. The older children (siblings and cousins) were... more

To be honest I was sitting in the parking lot (trying to calm my nerves before going inside) and watched my foster daughter’s bio mother escorted from a police car by four police officers. She is known for running. Watching this brought tears to my eyes. I was doing visits with the bio parents for the past 10 months, so I had come to know them somewhat. I guess I felt emotional for a number of reasons. This was child number three that the bio mother was losing. The bio mother was a product of her environment. Meaning, that when her mother is a drug addict and dealer, she didn’t know the first thing about being a mother. She never had a mother. I am not making excuses for her behavior. Personally,... more

Foster children may be very reluctant to get in involved with your family holiday traditions. Most likely it is because they do not know what to do or how to do it. Baking cookies and decorating cookies can seem so foreign to them. I have fostered autistic, mentally retarded and delayed children, so I have found that making them interact works well. You may have to do hand over hand a few times, then before you know it they are fully involved. They can be so scared to try things and some would never try news things without having to be made to.

Most of these children have spent their lives watching others, just living in the shadows. The simple thing of making Christmas cards can seem... more