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One of the things we struggle with was with Allie. She felt that she needed to report everything that happened or what the foster child did. This can be a double edged sword. You do not want your child running to you about everything and you also do not want the foster child to see your child doing this. On the other hand you child will see and hear so much more than you. There will be things that you most definitely want your child to make you aware of. You will need to talk with you child about coming to talk with you in private. You will probably need to talk... more

There will be some major adjusting for your children as you start your family journey of foster care. Your children need to feel part of the process and part of the decision making. Your children are the ones that are really giving up and losing the most. They are giving up space of their home, sharing parents, family, time, finances and possessions. In reality they are giving up a lot of control to a child they know nothing about.

Now after saying all that, I do believe it can be a positive experience for your child or children. I will talk about our personal experience with this.

Our daughter, Allie, was seven years old when we started this process. We talked with... more

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We fostered two brothers for over a year both were mentally retarded, one was PDD and one was autistic. This was not anything new to us because my husband and I have worked with special needs children. This was a major, major adjustment for others. Some just could not accept it, mainly I believe they did not how to act or to deal with the differences. We took a family vacation to the Texas Gulf and planned on placing the boys in respite. With more challenging kids, you have a very difficult time finding someone to keep them, which we did. The day before leaving for a week at the Gulf, we had nobody to keep the boys (respect does not always work out). So, we... more

We always wanted and expected our foster child to be treated as our own children were. IC: Birthday cards and birthday celebrated. To be included during the Christmas celebration. Not expect us to put our children into respite care. Include them at family gatherings - holidays, family reunions, etc. Excepting the children calling them Aunt, Uncle, Grandma, etc Just include them as part of my family, in day to day life.

I had to learn not expect so much from others. It does not mean it does not bother me at times. I have learned to give a little and realize that I may have to take care that my foster children are included. I thought everyone would... more

This last week I have been off on my blogs. My computer crashed in December with 3 years of photos of my children, so I spent a lot of time trying to find someone to spend the time saving my computer or getting all my pictures off. Yes, I know I need to burn them to CD’s, but things are always so busy. I found someone to fix my computer (Yeah, Yeah!!!!). I have spent (sorry, my husband) has spent the last two days trying to get things changed over to my good old computer.

It has been a real crazy few days for my family and I have been trying to keep my head above the water (so to speak). I got a phone call from my daughter Allie , that my son Lynn had hit his head on the bus and... more

Continued........... The car drive alone with a young autistic child was to the point of making you want to pull your own hair out. Once everyone had some time outside the van, things started to settle down. After the long, long car ride form “hell” I started to think my husband was right that I was crazy to do this. The one thing that my husband and I had decided is that by taking the boys, we would not allow having the boys take away from our children’s vacation and experience of the coast. Yes, by taking our young difficult foster sons on our family vacation causes some problems. Problems that we as a family overcame. Our children had a wonderful time and made... more

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Telling my family sends everyone into panic and some tears were shed. I proposed the option of taking the boys with us......(I did not even get to finish my whole thought) My husband and my oldest daughter are protesting quite loudly and seemed to be very hostile. Yes, apparently my husband decided I had gone totally crazy and my daughter said “I am staying home” while crying uncontrollably. We had two choices: cancel (losing our monies paid) or make this work. Understand my family was not overreacting, this was the 2 and 3 year olds’ ninth placement (very difficult children). I then threw out my idea to this problem. We could find a daycare for the boys to attend... more

We had not taken a family vacation in a really long time. We had adopted our two little ones and wanted time to bond as a family and to celebrate. So we planned a trip to the coast for a week during the week of July the Fourth. We had our three children Allie 11 years old, Beth 2 years, old, and Lynn 3 years old.

We also had two foster children at the time JJ 3 years old (autistic) and Red (PDD) 2 years. One boy was moderate therapeutic and the other one was specialized. They were quite the hand full to say the least. We had planned on placing them in respite for the week. We do not place our foster children in respite during holidays or other events. We did feel that our family... more

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My younger daughter bonded with the little boy we called Red. He was 3 years old foster child (they were the same age) and he was with us for over a year. She walked Red to our caseworker’s car and then started crying as they pulled out, “ Where are you taking my Red. Bring him back, he is my friend.” I had to carry her into the house while she cried, “Where is she taking my Red (over and over).” This has been the hardest loss for her, but by the next day she was talking about Red calmly. To this day she still talks about Red and will tell everyone about him. My husband cried only when we lost our drug baby that we received at two days old right from the hospital.... more

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Once I allowed myself to grieve Tim’s loss by having a good cry, it was so much easier. Yes, there was pain but I finally allowed myself to feel it freely. Your heart will hurt for a while and then you get a call for another child that needs you so desperately. The moral to this long story is allow yourself and your family to grieve and to feel the loss of the child. This will allow you to heal and move on to continue your cycle of love.

There will be things that will help you deal with the grief and every body will have different ways to deal with their grief. I may have a good cry by myself in my bed, take a long candlelight bubble bath, read... more