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The older sister was not interested in seeking help for her younger sister were trying to find a way to work things out. So this young girl was removed once again from a place she called home and this time without her younger brother. At this point she is placed back into foster care and was placed in my home. My foster daughter was pulled out of school every Friday in the middle of the day to spend two hours getting to and from a two hour visit (yes that is a total of four hours). I have never seen a child tormented more by a visit to this child was. She spent two... more

I have been asked how I deal with accepting change or letting go of things when I do not necessarily agree with decisions that have been made for my foster son or daughter. Really there is no easy answer to this question. Every case every child will have different circumstances so the answers will vary every time. Yes you may be the only person the child has ever felt love from, and who truly cares about what is the best interest of the child. Sad to say you’re a minor person (as a Foster parent) in the grand scheme of the system making choices and decisions for the child’s future. In some cases the caseworkers do not want the foster parents involved at all.

I had a young foster daughter... more

Any age foster child can and will steal. Remember they have gone without having their needs met like food, drinks, clothing, hygiene, comfort, any and all needs. So, they learn to take what they need and then learn to take what they want. They do not make the choice to steal from others, it is survival for them. This is the only way that some children have lived their life. Sad to say but some children have witnessed their bio parents stealing or having the children steal for them. So unlike us, who teach our children right from wrong? These children learn that everything for them is “right” and they have the appearance of feeling entitled.

I had a two year old foster child... more

Struggling with your foster child who is cussing in your home and around your children. Most foster children that I have dealt with (even the young ones) have cussed. If they can talk they can cuss.. Remember how these children have been raised and what they have been around. Now having said that, if you cannot tolerant cussing under many circumstances, then foster care may not be for you. I am not saying you have to allow it in your home, but also the behavior will not go away over night. It will take time, consequences, structure, and patience on everyone’s part.

I can tolerate cussing from a child while working to get beyond it. I have a harder time dealing with a child calling... more

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My friend wanted to mother her and stated that there was no harm done. Yes, I realize that it was not a horrible thing the child did. I also know and explained that I have this child for a short time in their life. The time I have them I have to teach, give them morals, life lessons, show them right from wrong and show them a different way in life. You have to remember that most likely they have never had someone to teach them anything or want a better life for them. My friend did understand after I explained and she handled it just as I would. Then she cried on my shoulder after. It made a very big impact on this child and showed her that someone else cared about... more

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She stated that they came from her house. I explained that I knew that was not true since I unpacked her belongs. I did not get her to tell me where they came from but I took them. I thought maybe she got them at a visit with bio mother or she had them on her person when placed with us. Yes, maybe this was envy on my part but I have never claimed to a pro at parenting. A few days later my daughter wanted her friend (the above family friend) to come over but she could not because someone had lost two of her Dad’s remote controls. Oh my, the thoughts go racing through my head. I called my foster daughter into the room, explained I knew were the remotes came from and... more

Dealing with foster children can add some spice in your life to say the least. It can also add stress to relationships with family and friends. Hopefully you have laid some ground work about foster children, what they are dealing with and possible behaviors (click here to read an article addressing this). There will be times when you will be faced with dealing with a foster child’s anger, foul mouth, violence, stealing, talking about their abuse to others, lying, or them abusing others in front of others.

When we were visiting a family friend, one of our foster daughters decided to be open and graphic about her bio mother’s drug abuse. With a house full of children... more

There will be a few people that have no idea about foster care and the children that it involves. You may have to overcome some of the stigma of the negative of foster children (violent, rude, mean, crazy, killers, etc.). There will be some that think they are like children in their own families. Spend some time talking and explaining about some things that they may see and hearing with your foster children. I can promise you that whoever you spend time with will share some experiences of foster care with you.

What others need to know about foster children and understand. These children did not ask to be born, have the parents they have or to endure the abuse they suffered. These... more

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You have to make your children still feel like they are your first priority. They will need some one- on- one time with each of their parents. You will need to still have family time. Allie had to even share her friends on occasions because a number if not all foster children do not know how to interact, make friends or be a friend, so they may need a child to show them or guide them by their actions. I did ask Allie if we had the choice to do foster care all over again with all you have lost and experienced, would you do it again? Her answer was,... more

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The foster child was not doing this to be mean. The more the child saw the more they wanted, which is a natural reaction. So, now we do this a little differently. Allie does still share some of her personal things, case by case on a one time basis. We explained to Allie, that if she has things that are really important to her, she should not share those items. After the child has been in our home for a period of time and has proven that they are trustworthy, then she can share more of her important things with them. Allie has lost a number of her belongings due... more