Do you ever remember a child saying, “Too many people love me?” Have you ever heard an epitaph that read, “Too many people loved me during my life?” Did you ever hear, “I spent too much time with people I loved?” Of course not, what a wonderful thing it is to know there are people who love you and care about you. Knowing there is someone you can call in any crisis gives you a sense of inner security. Children in foster care usually live with broken attachments. In their world, people come and then go, never to be seen again. It must be confusing to hear... more

Whether you have a new placement arriving or sending a foster child home, chances are you will be rearranging bedroom furniture. That is unless you are specifically taking a certain age and gender of children. Over the years of providing foster care, we have accepted boys or girls from newborn through 17. We have five bedrooms that we use for sleeping rooms and we usually have eight children living at home. If a girl moves out and our next foster child is a boy then we would need to rearrange the boy’s bedroom. Sometimes we actually have to trade entire bedrooms.

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A comment on a previous entry said that a family should not consider fostering children until their biological children are raised. The commenter said that the welfare of the biological children is at stake by bringing foster children into the home. Most of the foster parents that I know have biological children at home as well. If no one with biological children at home would foster children, we would probably have to regress to keeping children in orphanages. Let’s face it; few older people or childless people are willing to open their homes to abused or neglected children.... more

One of our readers asked a great question that many foster parents wonder about, at least initially. I responded to her privately but thought I would address her question more fully and share the information with you. Her foster children are in the process of returning home, as is my current foster daughter. She would like to know what the guidelines are for the number of overnight and unsupervised visits prior to foster children returning home. Unfortunately, there are no guidelines for every foster caseworker to follow. There are logical patterns that they sometimes... more

Are you wondering if your foster child has ADHD? Perhaps your child frequently forgets to bring homework home. Does the homework and then forgets to take it back to school. Maybe your child never takes care of anything, or acts like a scatterbrain. Do you have to repeat directions numerous times before you child finishes a task? If your child was placed in your home recently for adoption all of the changes might just be overwhelming him or her. Your foster child might have ADHD or in a few months, when things settle down, your child may act much better.

If your... more

We were all teenagers once, just for some of us it was a little longer ago. Do you remember thinking that your parents didn’t talk right? That is because parents don’t understand or use the current slang that teenagers are using. It has gotten worse because of internet use and text messaging. Now the teenagers have their own abbreviation slang as well. If you have a teenager that you raised from a baby then she might tell you some of the slang. If you have a newly adopted teenager, or a new teen in your foster home, good luck. Chances are, your new teenager wants some privacy and... more

A challenging time in fostering children is during the transition home period. Usually, if the children have been in foster care for at least quite a few months, then extended visitation usually precedes the return home. The children will begin by spending a night or two over the weekend with their parents. The foster parent still has the major portion of responsibility for the children. If the children are in school, then the foster parent will continue to make sure they attend and do their homework. Foster parents will continue to make appointments for the children and take them... more

As strange as it may sound, even foster children are given goals in the reunification plan. The foster children, like their parents, are expected to make progress towards their assigned goals. Their progress is reviewed every 90 days by the court at the review hearings. The goals for the children vary depending on their ages, developmental levels, and needs. It is up to the foster parents and caseworkers involved in the case to assist foster children in achieving most of their assigned goals. This is because most foster children do not have a car or a driver’s... more

If you have provided foster care for children then you already know that every 90 days the case progress has to be reviewed by the court. If the children remain in care for 12 months then the case progresses to permanency planning status, for the children’s long-term goals. This is because regular foster care is meant to be a short-term answer to family crisis. Many studies have proven that children, who just age out of foster care without either being adopted or returned home, do not fare well in adult society. The courts, in their wisdom, have concluded that within 12 months a family... more

One of the rewards of foster parenting is when a birth parent thanks you; when you know that a birth parent really appreciates all you have done, and all you are doing, for his or her child. My five-year-old foster daughter’s mother looked me in the eyes and said, “I couldn’t do what you do. I don’t know how you can do it.” The name of a child we had fostered several years ago had come up and she had asked me about whom we were talking. I explained that it was a child we thought we were adopting. She had come into our family as a newborn and had stayed until she was 20 months... more