Biological Parents Questions about Foster Care

I do not speak for all foster parents and I do know that there are a few bad apples out there. How you work with most foster parents is by making your concerns about your children not about your personal concerns. Foster parents for the most part are willing to work with the biological parents. Problems arise quickly when biological parents get defensive and angry with the care of the children or feelings towards the foster parents. Biological parents cannot have the attitude that the foster parents are providing a babysitting... more

I have received some questions concerning foster care from biological parents. Normally my blog is directed to foster parents. Biological parents that are trying to seek information on how to become better parents for their children in foster care need to be given a chance. I will try to answer questions that have been asked of me. Sugar coating things is not something I do. My approach is direct and honest.

A biological mother wants to be part of her child’s life in foster care and feels the foster parents are making it difficult for her. Foster parent’s busy daily life has become the life of her child and that it makes contact difficult for the biological mother. She... more

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I personally have done pretty well with caseworkers when things get a little dicey with the bio parents. Most caseworkers know what is going on with the bio parents and they just let them vent without taking what they say seriously.

There will be things that you will have to let go of just to get along. Do not send things even clothing to visits that you will be upset if they do not return in it or with it. Diaper bags are a big thing with me. In the beginning I would send my personal nice diaper bag full of things (even for my other children). This was a big mistake on my part. I lost two nice diaper bags and endless supplies out of them.. So, now... more

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The things to remember you will be the one to raise above the finger pointing and etc.. Most bio parents that you will be dealing with will need to take parenting classes, anger management classes, so they do not necessarily know how to act appropriately or getting along with others can also be an issue. So, as hard as it is at time we have to ignore, look the other way and just try to make to work as has as possible for the sake of your foster children. At times you will have to hear someone insult you or say horrible things about you as a person and a mother. You may have to remind yourself that these people do not have the first idea how to be a productive member... more

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Sadly, bio parents can and have taken their anger out by calling to make allegations towards the foster parents. It usually depends on who makes the allegations too. If it is the caseworker, they may talk with you and document it but if the allegation is made to another worker or abuse hot line, then things can get a little sticky. This is when things can get very difficult for the foster family. There are many different directions this can go at this point. It could be as simple as an investigation in your home, cleared within a few days, and then it is possible that your foster children can be removed from your home until the investigation is closed. An investigation... more

Oh, where to start on this one. The truth being that you as the foster parent will not be bio family’s favorite person. In their eyes you have the child that they should have. To them it doesn’t matter why or how their child came into care. They just want their child back and they feel victimized by CPS, remember in their eyes you are part of the CPS system. If you do visits with your foster child, you will get to know the bio family. In the beginning it is very stressful for everyone, since everyone is on edge and not sure what to except. In time you may even develop a special working relationship with the bio parents of your foster child. On occasion, you may even develop... more

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Some bio parents are upset that their children are with you, so they take things out on you and may even try to make things more difficult for you. They want to have control over their children anyway they can, even if they were not involved before losing them to foster care.

Some caseworkers will get involved by allow the bio parents to tell foster parents what they can and cannot do, where other caseworkers will not get involved. I think some caseworkers feel it easier to give into what the bio parents want than looking at what is right.

The major... more

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I told the caseworker next time she needed a hair if she felt bio mother needed a say when I would arrange the haircut during her visit when she could handle the haircut. I never heard anything else about it.

I had another bio parent of a baby tell me a number a different things and brands (fun things how everything has the most expense brand) that this baby had to have. This was done right in front of the caseworker, which she did not respond. I stated, “That is strange she did not come with any of those things and even the diaper she was wearing was not... more

In some case bio families has some say over some things. How much depends on a few things.

Bio families can have a say in a child hair cut but not all do become involved in this. I have only had one bio mother get upset with about cutting her child’s hair. The child came in care with long thick hair that was matted and the worst case of lice my doctor had seen. Her lice could have been seen very easily, they were the size of large fleas (kid you not). I had treated her five times without eliminating them and in the process I had to treat myself and my other five children. My doctor said I could only treat her once more with chemicals and one of the problems she felt was the length... more

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You as the foster parent will also have a wide range of feelings. How involved you are in the bio visits is up to you? I know some foster parents, that will drop off the children at the back door of the CPS office, because they do not want contact or to be seen by the bio family. In some case you may be asked if you would like to meet in a public place in between where you and the bio family lives. I have done this a lot, mostly at fast food places. To me it seem to not make the bio parents feel so anxious or defensive. Not all visit can be set up like this and they could be moved to a CPS office. These usually happens if or when CPS feels that there may be a problem... more