The day finally arrived for Ali, our last foster daughter, to say goodbye to our family and return home. She has been part of our family for 16 months, this time. She arrived a month before her fourth birthday, and now she is five. She also lived with us for nine months when she was one year old, which is why we took her back. (We were not going to foster any more children.) It was a busy day today; Ali had a vision appointment at 1:00 PM. We picked her mother up on the way to the vision appointment so she could be part of it. I had my two granddaughters with me who... more

One of our readers asked a great question that many foster parents wonder about, at least initially. I responded to her privately but thought I would address her question more fully and share the information with you. Her foster children are in the process of returning home, as is my current foster daughter. She would like to know what the guidelines are for the number of overnight and unsupervised visits prior to foster children returning home. Unfortunately, there are no guidelines for every foster caseworker to follow. There are logical patterns that they sometimes... more

Our local newspaper is covering the desperate need for foster parents this month. As Jenna pointed out yesterday, May is National Foster Care Month. The national slogan for the month is “change a lifetime,” referring to the lives of children who enter foster care. It is a change all right. While the final results of living in foster care, usually outweigh the initial horror children experience when entering foster care, they rarely consider throwing a party over the whole experience. The... more

A challenging time in fostering children is during the transition home period. Usually, if the children have been in foster care for at least quite a few months, then extended visitation usually precedes the return home. The children will begin by spending a night or two over the weekend with their parents. The foster parent still has the major portion of responsibility for the children. If the children are in school, then the foster parent will continue to make sure they attend and do their homework. Foster parents will continue to make appointments for the children and take them... more

Foster parents rejoice when a new child is placed in their home. With Mother’s Day approaching, a woman might feel especially blessed to have a new child placed in her home. After all, that is why they went through weeks of training and mounds of paperwork. Many foster parents have an ultimate goal of adoption and hope that a child will be able to stay forever. Initially, when a child arrives as an emergency placement no one is sure which direction the case will take. Will the child go home or will parental rights be terminated allowing the child to be adopted. The arrival... more

A reader posed a question to me after reading a blog I wrote for my daughter on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. The blog was a reminder that racism and prejudice are alive and well in today’s world. I suggested that it is up to us parents, to change the world’s thinking, at home one child at a time. We cannot allow our children to make racist comments, repeat, or even listen to racist jokes at home. Educate your children about judging a person by his or her heart, actions, and words, instead of by the color of skin.

Here is the readers comment.

Question... more

You have fostered a child for several months or perhaps even a few years. During this time, you have loved the child as one of your own. The foster child may have even been in your home for such a long time that you can hardly remember what it was like without him or her. Sometimes a child is a really good fit into a home and this one was. There were times during the case plan when you wondered if you might be able to adopt the foster child. The birthparents just were not doing what they needed to do, but lately, in the eleventh hour, they have been doing everything... more

Young Foster Child as Care Giver - Comprise

I have talked in detail about foster children struggling with being the mother figure or care giver role before coming into care. Older foster children struggling with being the responsible care giver and how to find a... more

Younger foster children that have been in a care giver role can be a little more difficult to work with. Since it has to do with their fears, need for consistency, and not fully understanding things. For most young ones in time with repeated routine they learn to accept you the foster parents as the care giver and learn to rely on you for that. This is something that will not happen overnight and will take time.

Remember, they need to learn that you will not hurt them and that they can trust you. They may not be able to do these things one hundred percent due... more

It can be quite the balance to come up with an acceptable compromise so that the foster child has some mothering type, or care giver type of responsibility. Granted not every foster child will have this problem or they will accept you as the parental role. I personally have dealt with this with older children and younger as well, so I will share how I handle both.

With my 10 year old foster daughter she was very mothering along with all the chores that come... more