Foster Care

I've often wondered what makes a great foster parent. Because I generally hear about awful fostering experiences, I thought it was important to compile a list of attributes that I personally think make a fantastic foster parent. While I'm sure the list could go on-and-on, here are the top five attributes that make a foster parent a great foster parent: Patience: This is an important attribute for all parents. The truth of the matter is that it isn't easy raising and rearing children. They are going to do stupid things. They're going to talk back to you. They are going to make mistakes--both large and small. It may take quite a while to get them into the habit of cleaning their room, washing… [more]

The foster care system has been around for quite a while. While it didn’t start out as we know it today, it had similar goals and motives. You may be surprised at how United States foster care all began and how it has progressed since its earliest days. English law established in 1562 allowed children from poor families to be placed with wealthy families—as indentured servants. Once the children became of age, they were allowed to go and live their lives as their own. While this type of servitude was an upgrade from its predecessor, it obviously wasn’t the best situation for the child. Previous to this arrangement, orphaned children were placed in almshouses. There, they did not learn a trade—which was critical… [more]

The holidays have come and gone. And it is difficult for each member of the family to get back to the daily routine of every-day life. Not only is it hard for you to return to work, but it equally as hard for your children to return to school. It can be tough for them to focus and complete class work and homework. Being ahead of the problem is important. It is essential to tackle potential school issues before they get too out of hand. Encouraging your child to perform better in school can teach him or her the importance of education and goal-reaching. If you're having hesitations about where to start, consider the following list:

• Stay Positive: It is probable that if you

When meeting your foster child for the first time, it can be nerve-wracking for both of you. But with just a little preparation, you can ease the tension and make him or her feel comfortable in his or her new home.  Here are some helpful tips to make sure you and your home are ready for your new addition.

• Personal Space: Your foster child will feel out-of-sorts for the first little while. That is why it is important to provide a clean, personal space for the child. Make sure you've cleaned out drawers and closet space, as well as tidying up the room and making the bed. This shows that you want him or her to feel comfortable and welcome into your home.

• Tour

Rules intended to protect children in foster care may drive away foster homes. I understand the logic behind the new rules. Various states have taken a beating for not protecting the children in their care. Children in foster care homes have died or been abused and the public is outraged. The public should be outraged; I am not minimizing the consequences. However, you don’t see the outraged public stepping up to take foster children into their homes. That is the problem; there are too few foster homes for the children who need them. Most of these outraged citizens wouldn’t consider letting a 10-year-old fire-starter stay even one night in their homes. Nor would they want a sexually active teenager sleeping under their roof. Who does that… [more]

When people who do not regularly come over, are coming to your home it can make you feel apprehensive about what they will think. Especially when they show up unannounced and your house looks like a tornado just went through. If you have children, people should expect to see toys on the floor. They also expect to see that the house is lived in and the inhabitants have fun. An experienced social worker would probably be suspicious to find your home immaculate if young children live in it already. It can make you seem fake, and may cause the social worker to wonder what else you are faking or hiding. Do not misunderstand me, I am not suggesting that you leave or make your house filthy… [more]

Do you ever remember a child saying, “Too many people love me?” Have you ever heard an epitaph that read, “Too many people loved me during my life?” Did you ever hear, “I spent too much time with people I loved?” Of course not, what a wonderful thing it is to know there are people who love you and care about you. Knowing there is someone you can call in any crisis gives you a sense of inner security. Children in foster care usually live with broken attachments. In their world, people come and then go, never to be seen again. It must be confusing to hear someone say, “I love you,” and then disappear forever. That is why I have chosen to remain in… [more]

Three weeks ago our five year old foster daughter returned home to her birthmother. We have spent the 16 months of parenting her developing a strong relationship with her birth family. Not just developing a relationship with her parents, buts aunts, uncles, significant others, and grandparents as well. We worked on building this relationship for several reasons. First, we had parented this child for nearly a year when she was one and two years old. Therefore, we love her, we have known her for most of her life, and she feels like a member of our family. In addition, we adopted her 10-year-old birth cousin with whom she had lived as sisters. Her return home was very difficult for her cousin to accept. However, we promised… [more]

How many times have you heard a foster parent complain about their children’s foster care worker? If your state’s foster care system is anything like ours, then probably too often, unfortunately. It has been our experience during 14 years of foster parenting that foster care workers do not stay at their job for very many years. Many are young, fresh out of college, without children of their own, when they start. They are full of ideas about changing the system or making a difference. They are confident in the parenting techniques they have learned at college and expect you to follow. Then reality sets in. Within a couple of months, their caseloads are filled to an overwhelming capacity because of government cutbacks, vacancies, leaves, and transfers… [more]

Whether you have a new placement arriving or sending a foster child home, chances are you will be rearranging bedroom furniture. That is unless you are specifically taking a certain age and gender of children. Over the years of providing foster care, we have accepted boys or girls from newborn through 17. We have five bedrooms that we use for sleeping rooms and we usually have eight children living at home. If a girl moves out and our next foster child is a boy then we would need to rearrange the boy’s bedroom. Sometimes we actually have to trade entire bedrooms. Allow me to explain. Each child in a bedroom must have 40 square feet of living space according to foster care licensing regulations. For example, if… [more]