Foster Care

Having an exchange student in my home has given me another perspective on life. Things in America are definitely different from in other countries. The things that we take for granted are not often not true in other parts of the world. One of the biggest differences is the Foster Care System. Those of you involved know that a lot of legalities go into the protection of children- sometimes it can feel as though there are too many hoops to jump through. If a child falls into an unsafe situation in America, the foster care system gets involved and tries to do what is best for the family. I know that this does not always seem to occur but it is the stated goal. In… [more]

The most frequently heard question around these parts is, "How do you do it?  How can you let them go?" I realize most people are "wondering aloud."  They don't really want to know how I do it, they are wondering if they could do it.   However, if you get asked a question frequently enough, you start thinking through the answer. Just as we have plans in place to ease a child's entry into our home, we have plans for "letting go."  Sometimes the kids leave abruptly and without a lot (or any) notice, in that case, we all just have to do the best we can.  When we do have advance notice, though, we can go about it in a way… [more]

I have found myself in a difficult position that greatly resembles the situation many people who are involved in foster care are in. In order to bring a child into your home that you have no history with, you either have to have the patience of a saint or the ability to take things as they come. I do not lay claim to either of those traits so I am struggling. I wish it were different. I wish that I could say that I can open my home to anyone for an extended period of time and enjoy it. This is not the case. I am not patient. I get nervous when things change. Many people involved with fostering feel the same way… [more]

One thing that is often missing from a foster child's life is the basic 'you are part of the family' stuff. By this I mean that when you are dealing with your children they have specific rights or privileges simply because they are part of your tribe. Maybe your children know that they will get whatever they want to eat for dinner on their birthday. They know that this is part of being in your family. They look to it with anticipation. The foster child who has been removed from their home loses that. All of the tribe things are gone just like that. They have to rewrite their expectations or have none at all. Often having no expectations is the easiest… [more]

Recently I've been using a visual schedule with my "littles." A visual schedule is just that; simple pictures, photographs or drawings show a child what is happening now and what is coming up next.  A web search of "visual schedule" will give you some great examples.  It is a fairly common tool for kids with autism. We began the schedule as an attachment tool for our 3 and 4 year olds but I have realized how helpful it would be for pre-reading-aged foster kids as well.  When new children come to the family, we always take care to let them know the routine, what's coming next, etc.  I think them being able to see and manipulate it for themselves would be a tremendous… [more]

I have noticed that most of my families' interaction occurs around the eight foot island that we have in our kitchen. This should come as no surprise since it is only a step away from the refrigerator and I have three teenagers and an almost 10 year old. I have to laugh though at how many times a day I wipe that counter clean. I am not sure that you would even believe me. Yesterday night, we ate around it. I laid out all of the Christmas leftovers, paper plates and yelled, "Come and get it!" They sure took me seriously. It was like a stampede of elephants thundering from their respective corners of the house. Thank heavens I had the foresight to choose my… [more]

If you have a 3 or 4 year old in your Foster Care home in Texas, that child is eligible for free Pre-K through the local school district.  Some school districts begin the program at age three and some at age 4;  check your district's website to discover the age limits for your school district.  Age eligibility in Texas is always calculated by the child's age on September 1 so if your district offers Pre-K to 3-year-olds, your child will be eligible at the start of the next school year following her third birthday.  Children do not start mid year if they would not have been old enough on September 1. The only caveat is that once a child has been enrolled in… [more]

One of the hardest things about having children is the lack of time that the parents have to procure a solid relationship. This is especially true of couples who are involved in foster care. It seems as though the constant demands of the family coupled with the normal everyday life issues often strain a relationship. This is a difficult issue because there is not necessarily anything wrong being done. It is simply that the pressing needs of the moment must be met and the needs of the adults must take a back seat. This causes a disruption in the natural family base. That disruption is actually quite a big deal when it comes to raising children who are in a foster care… [more]

I remember Christmas at my house. It was very hard. I was a child that was not a foster child but maybe should have been. There were a tremendous amount of issues that inhibited a normal life at our house. I think that is why I focus so fully on making sure that the holidays are casual but busy. The casual comes from trying to help everyone focus on the reason for the season and the busy? That just comes with the territory. It's like a zoo around here. This time of year is a difficult one for foster children. There is so much hurt and want in their lives. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holidays, they miss the people who are important… [more]

'Tis the season for holiday joy and parent stress. We know it's true.  I have had a few relaxing holidays in my life, back when I was single (ha!). Maybe we cannot completely take the stress out of holidays with kids and foster kids, but we can dial it down. This year I'm taking some steps to make things more enjoyable for my 5 kids -- plus any little sweeties who happen to arrive in time for the fun.  Maybe my plans will help you!

• Cut back on holiday engagements.  This is key.  Stay home as much as possible.
• Include the kids in getting ready;  bake cookies with them  - but let them leave when they are done!  They'll go play